This Los Angeles-based band is one that I’ve actually seen live once but for whatever reason, I didn’t remember much about them. I think the main reason is that they had a Black/Thrash sound that is pretty mundane here in San Francisco. In the home of Bay Area Thrash, having a core sound that is essentially the same as everyone else isn’t exactly something that will make you stand out, even if you’re from out of town. A lot of local bands draw their influences from Slayer, Exodus, Possessed and Metallica, even to this day. Thrash isn’t “different” here. It probably explains why I never bothered with them in the past. With two previous albums and a split-LP with Valdur under their belts, I thought it might be time to check them out. The most interesting bits of Baphometic Chaosium are the atmospheric parts, such as the Ambient interlude, “Cloven Shields.” It has a dark and eerie sound that is very much in the vein of Horror Movie soundtrack music. This track segues into “Chained to Decay,” which is slower and heavier on the atmosphere. “Epicyclarium” is another cut that has interesting atmospheric elements. It’s the straight-forward Black/Thrash tracks that are the most generic and uninteresting parts of Baphometic Chaosium. When these guys ditch the atmospheric stuff for the basic guitar-based brutal Thrash attack, they lose a lot of what distinguishes them from other generic Death/Thrash bands. Songs like “Oaken Chrysalis” (I consider the last two minutes of that track to be an outro and unrelated to the rest of the song) and “R’Lyeh Wuurm” are just okay sounding and have little about them that sticks out. This LP is a 50-50 split between songs that are really good and ones that are just “blah.” When Lightning Swords of Death are on their game, they fucking kick ass. When they go the safe route with basic song structures, they lose a lot of their identity. One thing I have to mention, though, is that the sound on this LP is amazing. The fact that you can hear the bass guitar and that each instrument is clearly discernible puts Baphometic Chaosium near the top of the heap when it comes to good production. The studio engineer really knew what he was doing when this album was produced. If Lightning Swords of Death can meld the darker atmospheric stuff in with their Black/Thrash style a bit more, we could be looking at an epic next album. Baphometic Chaosium is good, but there are still tracks that are lacking in identity.

German Metalcore masters Heaven Shall Burn hit somewhat of a creative wall with their Iconoclast trilogy. The two albums it produced (2008’s Iconoclast and 2010’s Invictus; part 2 being a live CD/DVD affair) certainly aren’t bad records —I don’t think these guys could make a bad record if they tried— but hindsight exposes them as being significantly less memorable than Heaven Shall Burn circa 1998-2006. That’s to be expected. When you begin your career with four full-lengths that range from nearly flawless to perfect, it’s damn near impossible to sustain that level of awesomeness. However, you can’t just keep releasing the same solid-but-forgettable album every two years, either. I think with Veto, the group has unequivocally addressed the need for change, albeit with mixed results. It should be noted that they took an extra year in between full-lengths for the first time ever. That’s it, boys. Let us miss you a little. (How many artists in this day and age would do well to take that advice, eh?) And while it’s really more of a spice-up than an actual stylistic change, Veto succeeds at separating itself from the rest of the discography with its own distinct feel. As I said, this is still a Heaven Shall Burn LP through and through, yet there are unique subtleties. For instance, I bet you never thought you’d hear these Teutonic titans of the pit start things off with Guns n’ Roses’ “Don’t Cry” arpeggio on loan (“Godiva”). I definitely never thought I’d hear them cover Blind Guardian (“Valhalla”) replete with guest vocals from Hansi Kursch himself, no less! Some electro-ambiance (“Die Sturme Rufen Dich”) isn’t much of a stretch for these Melodeath dabblers, and I undoubtedly could’ve lived without the cringe-inducing, female-fronted bonus track (a cover of Killing Joke’s “European Super State”), but Veto’s finest moments are when the quintet simply revisit their melancholy-through-aggression roots (“Fallen,” “Hunters Will Be Hunted,” “53 Nations,” and “Beyond Redemption”). Few bands convey sadness via rage and desperation via strength so convincingly. Of course, with all these cuts standing out one way or the other, there’s bound to be some filler (“You Will Be Godless,” “Antagonized,” and “Like Gods Among Mortals” all slightly miss the mark), but overall, I believe the goal was an album that could, above all else, fare better against the test of time. Mission accomplished. I sense a return to absolute perfection is not far away.

In between Jon Konrath books, I like to read Metal magazines while I’m shitting. I realize they’re a complete waste of money and almost exclusively the opinion of happy faggots, but I don’t have the internet because the internet is fucking gay. I mostly buy them for the ads, but occasionally there’s some stellar photography, maybe a free covermount CD with 2 good bands out of 16 if you’re lucky. Plus I need to make sure I don’t buy anything Kevin Stewart-Panko likes, and conversely seek out what he vehemently bashes, as that’s generally music a non-virgin would enjoy. This year, just about every publication I’ve come across has made a unanimous sperm ocean over Nails’ Abandon All Life EP. If you think I’m at all exaggerating, just check this shit out:

• “A testament to the pervasive progression of extreme music… Southern Lord has just claimed the throne as my favorite label, and this is my Album Of The Year: ESSENTIAL.” -Zero Tolerance (5.5/6)

• “OMFG… You’ll feel like never listening to any other music again.” -Terrorizer (9/10)

• “It kills, eats and pisses on the remains of all other contenders.” -Metal Hammer (9/10)

• “Incapable of being fucked with… Nails are literally in their own league.” -Decibel (9/10)

You guys ready for this? You ready to get that Clark Kent/Peter Parker scoop, motherfucker? You primed and prepped to get the skinny on the deal of the century? Are you livin’ la vida loca for the ear on the street, maricon? Do Enquiring minds really wanna know about the greatest recorded material in the history of dudes not pulling out? Are you pumped?! You psyched?! You ready to see what Howie Mandel’s got in this fucking case, baby girl? You tired of mud butt? Metal Curse is gonna show you how to make a butt-wedge. Are you ready? I said, are you fucking ready, bitch?!? Daddy’s got Dorothy, the Tin Man, Scarecrow, that bitch lion and motherfucking Toto right here with him to lift the curtain, mama bear. So… without further ado… Drum roll, please…

Nasum clone.

For me, Stratovarius is like comfort food. It isn’t the best stuff on the planet, but there is a consistency and a familiarity about it that can’t be beat. When you want good Power Metal, you need not look any further than Stratovarius. Even at their worst, they still run circles around most lesser bands. The problem with Stratovarius isn’t that they don’t know what they’re doing or that they’re not good at it. These guys have the formula down to a science, much like the other top bands in the genre. The thing about Stratovarius is that you know what you’re going to get from them before you get it from them. Blazing guitar solos? Check. Soaring vocals? Check. Epic keyboard swaths full of atmosphere and bombast? Check. Are the songs well played? Like only Stratovarius can. Do the songs kick ass? You better believe it. Their last album had all that too. And so did the one before that. Nemesis is the latest in a long line of solid, well-played and ass-kicking Power Metal albums. Perhaps what makes me think this band is in a rut is the fact that all of their albums have been consistently good but they have that “sameness” about them. They’re predictable to the point where you don’t have to listen to the album to know where they’re going with it. If you do listen to the album, though, you will bang your head to the songs. They have that effect on you, regardless of whether you’re a new listener or a longtime fan. If you like Power Metal in general, you probably don’t need me to tell you that Nemesis kicks ass. You likely already own it. If you’re only a casual listener (as I am), this continues a long legacy of solid, rocking Stratovarius albums. It doesn’t break any new ground, but it isn’t a disappointment by any means.

Reviewing reissues can be a tedious exercise for the modern day scribe faced with what seems like 20 new albums a week, but the task at hand here is an essential one for yours truly. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I’ve never heard Godflesh’s 2001 swansong until now. I realize that’s pretty pathetic, but in my defense, I’m more of an ‘88 - ‘92 Godflesh guy, and hindsight reveals I simply lost touch sometime after 1996’s so-so Songs of Love and Hate. However, as a hopeless Jesu addict 8 years strong, I’m kicking myself in the teeth right now for passing on Hymns all these years. First off, I’ve been pronouncing Jesu incorrectly this whole time. Turns out it’s “hay-sue,” not “jay-sue,” as the closer of this album clearly indicates. Duh! More importantly, I’ve been missing out on the very origins of Jesu. Hymns was unmistakably a transitive stage in the life and songwriting of Justin Broadrick. Of course, I’m not referring to the lumbering Industrial sludgefests that comprise the majority of Hymns. Which isn’t to say tracks like “Defeated,” “Paralyzed,” and “Voidhead” are bad by any stretch —JKB and future Jesu drummer Ted Parsons (ex-Prong, ex-Swans) really began to gel here, breathing a human air into these mechanical compositions— but Broadrick’s constipated-lumberjack vocals are in particularly grating form compared to past efforts. Alas, it’s beautiful gems like “Anthem,” “White Flag,” “Regal,” and the hidden bonus track that I’ve deprived myself of. The same brooding, sorrowful, clean-vocal hypnosis that would eventually embody the Jesu formula. It’s like finding an unopened present someone gave you 12 years ago that turns out to be something you want just as much now. It’s no coincidence that the robotic “Jesu” is easily the best of the heavier cuts. The man knew he was moving on to an arguably better place. This reissue’s bonus disc of 2012 demo remasters —featuring an unreleased song from the Hymns sessions (“If I Could Only Be What You Want”)— is, quite frankly, take it or leave it. It’s the main course, imperfections included, that’s essential here.

This is the debut album (and first release that I know of) by Indonesia’s Vlaar, so I’m going to pull my punches just a bit. Metal-archives.com has this band tagged as Thrash/Black Metal/Punk, but giving them that much rope to hang themselves with might not be a good idea. Classifying this as Thrash and Black Metal and Punk might make it seem as if this band has a diverse sound. They don’t. This is just sloppily played Thrash Metal with a screamer for a vocalist. Screaming like someone shoved an agave cactus up your ass doesn’t make you Black Metal. Sloppy playing doesn’t make you Punk. To tell the truth (and bluntly), this shouldn’t be a debut album. This should be a demo at best. S.A.T.R.V. should be the recording you make for your Facebook page, or to help you land gigs at the local dive bar. Nobody in their right mind would pay for something like this because it sounds like crap. I realize that with the technology available these days, anybody can form a band and release an album. This doesn’t mean that they should. Given how sloppy the playing is on this LP, I’d give Vlaar another four or five releases before they produce something listenable.

Boy, the UK sure does love the smell of its own farts. Thumb through a copy of Cock Sound, Metal Hamster, or that pitiful publication that still calls itself Terrorizer for some odd reason, and you’ll find them pimping these young Scots like they’re The Beatles and Iron Maiden combined. Of course, they have a habit of blowing their Metalcore exports way out of proportion over there (take Bullet for My Valentine or Sylosis… please), so perhaps I should learn to stop taking the bait. (Six free covermount CDs, 27 fold-out posters, and not one fucking grain of salt.) Damn you, Bring Me the Horizon and Architects for being such standout exceptions! Now I have to make sure. At least I can save others the trouble: Glasgow’s Bleed from Within are nowhere near that league. The music here is as forced and generic as the band’s standard 3-word Metalcore name. If I wanted to hear a third-rate carbon copy of Parkway Drive… well… I’ve no idea where I was going because I’d never want to hear that. Uprising is a hookless chugfest. A mundane celebration of predictable arrangements that have been borrowed upon borrowed upon borrowed, infinity. Occasionally the quintet dabble in just enough pain and sorrow to let the listener know they could be making meaningful tunes if they so desired (see moments of “The War Around Us,” album closer “Devotion,” and instrumental segue “Speechless”), but they much prefer to go through motions Lamb of God wore out 9 years ago. The vocals range from wimpy screams to a brutal bark that sounds so much like Winston from Parkway Drive it’s laughable. Musically the band has all the chops in China, but not a shred of creativity or imagination to go with it. You can almost hear their fear of wandering too far from a comfort zone built of basic modern Metalcore templates. Alas, the groove isn’t heavy enough, the melodies don’t hurt, and telling the songs apart can be quite an adventure. (At some point, a blastbeat woke me up, though I can’t recall when and where.) Don’t believe the hype. This is just the same old new shit.

Major props to Negative Reaction and MVD Audio for unearthing this ultra-rare gem from 1988. Never before available on CD, IGD’s self-titled debut had been, until now, the stuff of Crust Punker and Thrash-obsessed skateboarder legend. A piece of Bay Area Gutter Punk folklore seemingly doomed to permanent obscurity. I certainly never thought I’d get the chance to hear it, and holy shit am I glad I did! Believe the hype, IGD Thrashed it up with the best Crossover outfits of their era. I could list dozens of bands that these Sacramento suburban wasteoids sound like —or perhaps more accurately, dozens of bands that sound like them— but you can’t hit the nail on the head any better than Cryptic Slaughter. Frantic speed, short songs, a snotty screamer, and the kind of fuck-you attitude that only the Reagan administration could produce. One difference between IGD and most bands of this ilk is a complete lack of political correctness in the lyrical department. If you thought MOD’s “Aren’t You Hungry” was insensitive, you should probably pass on IGD’s “Starve and Die.” Usually I’m not one for humorous lyrics, but when they’re delivered with this much brazen rage and reckless abandon, resistance is futile. Other topics include the band’s beverage of choice (“Milwaukee’s Best”), stupid whores (“Pubic Lice,” “Dear Pops,” “Why?”), addiction (“Porno Junkies,” “Psychos on Speed”), Uncle Sam (“The Real Enemy”), and random insanity (“Premeditated Stupidity,” “Chef Boyardee’s Mercenaries”). Included as a bonus here are the band’s first two demos — 1986’s My Pet Disease (rumored to feature Slayer’s Kerry King on backing vocals) and 1987’s The Joke That Went Too Far. The demo material isn’t quite as sharp and tight as the LP, but you do get their essential cover of the Anal Babies classic “Fat Dykes on Welfare.” You also get CD-Rom extras (live video from ‘88, live audio from ‘87) which I’ve yet to check out. Overall, a must-own package. It’s hard to beat fast-as-fuck, instantly memorable, and unapologetically offensive. A cult fusion of Punk and Speed Metal for the ages. Don’t be a fag.

Darkened Nocturn Slaughtercult is a band that I’ve always been meaning to check out, but I never seemed to find the time to actually do it. Necrovision, their latest album, kicks serious ass and it makes me wish that I’d gotten around to listening to them a lot earlier. The first thing about DNS that I noticed was the strong Dark Funeral influence in the guitar playing. The riffing style and dynamics are very much like what you would find on Dark Funeral’s older releases (particularly the first EP and full-length). Darkened Nocturn Slaughtercult is definitely more at home in the higher speed ranges. This is aided by a drummer who actually knows how to do more than just ride the snare and blast away. The drumming is actually pretty creative. It isn’t overly technical (such as what Hellhammer of Mayhem is known for), but it’s definitely a cut above the average Black or Death Metal drummer. This brings us to Necrovision’s impressive sound. The instruments are all given enough room to breathe and you can hear everything fairly distinctly. I thought that the drums might be a tad too loud, but that may be because I’m used to “blast and grind” drummers that only use two drums (the bass and snare) and one cymbal. Horrn (Pavor/Beyond North) actually knows how to use the other drums on his kit, and does. This really helps Darkened Nocturn Slaughtercult escape the “sameness” that other bands have when playing in this speed range. Add some razor sharp guitar work and corrosive vocals and you get an album that kills posers dead on contact. This is a very solid release and showcases a band that knows what they’re doing. If you like fast, brutal Black Metal in the Dark Funeral vein, Necrovision should be on your short list of albums to pick up.

I don’t care how much trouble I get into with the kvlt police, I’ve never heard Mysticum’s 1996 debut in its entirety until now, with this reissue. Full Moon Productions only pressed about 11 copies of the fucking thing, and having heard unimpressive bits and pieces of it from friends over the years, I didn’t really feel the need to ever hunt one down. But we’ll get into that later. For now, here’s what else I vaguely remember about this Norwegian trio:

• They did a split with Ulver before that band started making background music to accompany Yoga.

• Hellhammer was a member for about 8 minutes.

• This LP was originally intended for release on Euronymous’ Deathlike Silence label, but Varg had other plans.

• Whoever programmed the drum machine had no fucking clue what the hell they were doing.

• They had a forgettable cut on FMP’s A Tribute to Hell: Satanic Rites comp (included as a bonus track here, along with “Black Magic Mushrooms” from the 2003 split with Audiopain).

• This is the type of band that writes songs called “Black Magic Mushrooms.”

That’s all I’ve got. Sorry, I was busy listening to real Black Metal. Spinning this album nearly two decades later, it’s clear to me why they never put out a follow-up. The only thing these guys had going for them was that sweet-ass band logo. That’s probably the sole reason everyone still pretends to like this. I mean, honestly, this is fucking horrible. You constantly see the same words used to describe this noise: “Cold.” “Eerie.” “Bleak.” “Ugly.” How about, “Weak”? “Lame”? “Irritating”? “Garbage”? Sounds more like it to me. Seriously, who programmed this drum machine? It sounds like varying speeds of raindrops on an awning. The guitars do achieve that golden-age-of-Second-Wave necro sound, but can I get a memorable riff, please? If you could isolate the barely audible synths, they might make a decent Beherit intro. The vocals aren’t anything special. Just basic BM cackling. There’s really nothing here to warrant the “cult classic” status this annoying clamor has undeservedly garnered. It’s nice of Peaceville to reassure me that I haven’t been missing out on shit. I did not receive this reissue’s bonus DVD, but in all honesty, I wouldn’t have watched it. It’s most likely an hour-long documentary about the drawing of the logo. Face it, you only like this because no one else does.

Tank Genocide is one of those bands that you find every now and then where ideology trumps musical ability. You discover them in scenes where politics are involved, usually in Punk/Hardcore or NSBM. Naturally, with a name like Tank Genocide, this is NSBM. Deprivation is actually one of the band’s tamer releases. Nothing about this screams “Nazi Black Metal,” unlike so many other bands in this genre. I was expecting swastikas and pictures of Hitler all over the place, but there isn’t any recognizable Nazi iconography anywhere. And now for the music… It’s raw, one-riff NSBM from the beginning to the end. The only variation in style or content on Deprivation comes from cover songs. Even those (there are three, literally half of the demo) seem to be chosen for their minimalistic style. Naturally, there is a Burzum cover (“Dunkelheit”). NSBM bands love Burzum, and most so blatantly ape the style that Varg should be getting a royalty check. Personally, I think Varg should start asking for them. That way, he can stop pumping out sub-par albums and pay off that massive debt he owes the Norwegian government for burning down those churches. But I digress… The other two cover songs, “Eternal Life” by Mayhem and “Jesus Christ Sodomized” by Marduk are passable, but the Burzum cover is arguably the best thing on this demo. The other tracks are raw, minimalistic and repetitive. Deprivation makes Von sound like Stratovarius in terms of songwriting and sound. The one thing that saves this demo from being absolute crap is the atmosphere. The rawness and bass-heavy distorted guitar gives this an old-school sound and for reasons unknown, it makes the songs sound fucking evil. I think the guitar tone has a lot to do with it. I just wish the writing and the playing were better. Tank Genocide has two major negatives: the lack of playing ability and a focus on quantity over quality. I checked metal-archives.com and there are a fucking ton of releases by this band out there (21 from 2012 and already 15 this year - mostly demo recordings and split EPs). I know that some of them are just re-recordings of older tracks, but still, that’s a lot of material. Considering how primitive this demo sounds, the other stuff must not be too much different. I would like to hear some more refined music from this band. Beating one riff into the floor is fine on your first demo. Beating one riff into the floor on your thirty-sixth release is not.

By all sound logic and rationale, I should despise Ghost. Oh, to drink deep the Haterade… let me count the reasons. They use the tired gimmick of stage costumes that the general public tends to pounce on like a cat on a laser pointer. Thanks to said gimmick, they score a major label deal overnight, in an era that may one day see Metallica signing with Razor & Tie, no less. They are beloved by countless happy douchebags, none more douchebaggy than Glam fag poser god Phil Anselmo. Given their success, they will undoubtedly spawn a litter of lame copycats attempting to trendfuck the Occult Rock fad like a rabbit on Viagra. Last but not least, they seem to take being compared to the mighty Mercyful Fate as some kind of insult. Yes, I should definitely hate Ghost… but I can’t. They are sooo fucking good! It’s ridiculous how god damn good they are! If you thought Opus Eponymous was instantly likable, you haven’t heard shit yet. Now they’re playing with house money, and that house belongs to Universal Republic, boys and ghouls. Papa Emeritus, meet Auto-tune. Infestissumam is a work of simplistic brilliance from beginning to end. Heed my warning, every song here will be stuck in your head forever. Whoever the fuck this singer is, he’s amazing, and the ultra-Satanic lyrics —perhaps Ghost’s only consistent tie to actual Metal— are the icing on the cake, tongue-in-cheek or not. Far more stylistically adventurous than the 2010 debut, Infestissumam could arguably be classified as borderline Pop music, but it’s catchier than the common cold. Anyone who likes Ghost has no business talking shit about HIM. It’s the same formula, tough guy. Simple hooks built around a pretty voice and irresistible vocal patterns. With a slightly different lyrical approach, a song like “Body and Blood” could easily pass for Love Metal. If anything, Ghost is more danceable. Just listen to them turn circus music (“Secular Haze”) and Disco (“Year Zero”) into infectious first-listen singles. Then again, every song on the album is a single. From the NWOBHM-infused theatrical pomp of “Per Aspera ad Inferi” to the laid back ’70s swag of “Monstrance Clock,” there are no weak spots in this lineup. And I highly recommend tracking down the deluxe edition. You simply must hear their rendition of Abba’s “I’m a Marionette” (featuring Dave Grohl on drums). Abba is a very fitting band for Ghost to cover. They share the same homeland and their approaches to songwriting aren’t all that different. I’d bet they could turn “Dancing Queen” into Occult Rock gold as well. Whether I hate to admit it or not, this LP is completely flawless. No way they’ll ever be able to top it.

Australian Deathcore troupe Thy Art Is Murder bring absolutely nothing new to the table on their second full-length… and I don’t have a problem with that. Imagine if Whitechapel’s The Somatic Defilement and Acacia Strain’s The Dead Walk fucked and had a child that grew up to be a personal trainer. Hate is essentially an unending chain of breakdowns tied together with blastbeats, melodic Thrash licks, and bitter, angry sentiment. Yes, this isn’t anything we haven’t heard before. Yes, it’s downright impossible to tell the songs apart. Yes, the production is ultra-slick and modern. No, none of this bothers me at all. This isn’t a Rembrandt or a fucking Warhol. This is Deathcore. It’s designed to get the adrenaline pumping. It’s designed for the pit. Two minutes into opener “Reign of Darkness” and my hefty, lethargic ass is doing shadow Tae Kwan Do in the living room. Sure, this probably isn’t unique enough to make my year-end list, but if I happen to need theme music for the big fight’s training montage, Hate is going to be my first choice. All I’m really looking for in a Deathcore record is heaviness, brutality, groove, and… well, hate. These ten tracks meet those needs in spades. Chris McMahon’s all-pro bestial bellow does help to separate TAIM from the pack somewhat. His guttural power is the difference between “out now on Nuclear Blast” and “available for free at Bandcamp.” Again, the breakdowns are pretty much interchangeable, but if you were as outstanding at them as this rhythm section is, you’d probably want to keep repeating that motion also. (Jeanna Fine’s blowjobs are all very similar as well. Doesn’t mean I don’t need to see them all.) These are some of the best I’ve heard in awhile. The key is that sharp palm-muted chug and just the right amount of room to breathe. Nothing I need to tell the airtight guitar duo of Andy Marsh and Tom Brown. For what it is, Hate succeeds on every level, first and foremost by not concerning itself at all with what it doesn’t need to be. Let’s not forget, the Aussies don’t fuck around when it comes to extreme music. TAIM is to Deathcore what Destroyer 666 and Bestial Warlust are to Old School BM, what Whoretopsy is to brutal Death, and what Parkway Drive is to Metalcore — genius by way of no frills. I can see the internet virgins blogging angrily now: “Every song’s the same generic chugfest! I can’t stand the drum sound! I’m a little bitch! What’s a vagina?” This album is worth it just for that mental image alone. (I can’t wait to die.)

I was a fan of Voivod back in the early days, starting with War and Pain and up through Dimension Hatross, and even Nothingface. They were progressive, musically, and to a certain extent, I could understand where they were going. After a while, though, the band’s musical direction and my musical tastes diverged and I stopped paying attention to them. I still listened to their old stuff once in a while and when I ran across demo represses (such as Anachronism) or bootleg live CDs from their early days, I picked them up. The local independent record store always put the old stuff in the Metal section, but the new stuff tended to be filed in the Rock section, so if a new Voivod album came out, I never knew about it because I never looked in the Rock section. [Holy shit, what stupid assholes must work at/run that store! You don’t split the stock, ever. But if you are stupid enough to think that you have to, at least put a couple CDs in both places, or a fucking sign. This type of idiocy helped kill off records stores. -Editor] Still, it was a sad day for me when I heard that Piggy had succumbed to cancer at the age of 45. I was surprised that they were even still around at that point because I’d assumed that they’d broken up long ago. Fast forward to 2013. Blacky is back on bass and Piggy has been replaced by former Cryptopsy/Gorguts guitarist, Chewy. Target Earth was hyped as the first “post-Piggy” Voivod record and something of a comeback. All of the albums previous to this were written using riffs that Piggy had written prior to his death, so this was going to be the true test. Could they create a record without Piggy that was still Voivod? The answer would depend on what you considered “Voivod” in terms of their music. For me, it was the old stuff. I wanted a return to their Thrash roots but with a modern twist. I wanted this album to be more like the era that I loved, as opposed to the Technical/Progressive era that I disliked. Well, I guess the only way I’ll hear the old Thrash style of War and Pain or Killing Technology is to listen to those albums. Target Earth is definitely not a return to their roots. This is Progressive Metal like their later stuff. If you’re a fan of the newer Voivod style, you’ll probably like Target Earth. I didn’t find the overly technical playing and weird song structures to be to my liking. I like aggression, atmosphere and memorable riffing. This doesn’t have any of that. If anything, this album is anti-melodic and anti-memorable. There isn’t a riff on here that I could remember after the album was over. There were no standout tracks. All you get are songs that are technical as all hell. This LP was interesting from a technical point of view, but Target Earth was about as exciting as a physics lecture at your local community college. For me, Target Earth is an album that I wanted to like but was ultimately disappointed in. Much like the new Cryptopsy LP, it didn’t kick enough ass. Technicality and ass kicking ability are not mutually exclusive! Technicality and creating memorable riffs are not mutually exclusive either. Clockwork Angels by Rush is a Progressive Rock album that has science fiction themes much like Voivod does on Target Earth. The Rush album, though, is technical, memorable and it also kicks ten times more ass than Voivod does. It can be done, folks. For those still interested, this LP comes in multiple formats. The deluxe edition has an extra CD with live tracks from their show at Roadburn (2011). The set list is composed of songs that were mostly from the later, more technical/progressive era of Voivod’s career, so if you like the newer stuff, you’ll definitely like the bonus disc. The live tracks were released separately last year, so they aren’t exclusive to this release. It sounds like a soundboard recording, so the audio is pretty good. Hardcore fans probably already have this live material, but if you don’t, the deluxe edition of Target Earth is definitely worth the money.

“Obsessing over piss and shit / Fecal orgy, shit-stained I sit / Gagging from the stench so vile / Suffocating with a smile”
Boy, it sure is a treat to have Guttural Secrete back in action. 2012 saw the comeback of Dehumanized, capping a 14-year gap between debut and sophomore albums. Now 2013 marks the return of the safest bet in Vegas, ending a 7-year hiatus since 2006’s Reek of Pubescent Despoilment. If we’re on the same page, you’re also bummed about the letdown efforts from Defeated Sanity and Devourment this year. Well, ultra-brutal addicts can finally rejoice. Guttural Secrete is here to kiss it and make it all better. The nine tracks on Nourishing the Spoil will have you twitching in guttural glee. Their relentless over-the-top attack transports any fan of the genre to a state of eu-gore-ia. As a casual background listen, this pummeling record might seem like 36 minutes of babies being fed limb-by-limb to a garbage disposal, but a deeper investigation into the brutality barrage reveals hidden nuances and delightful intricacies. For instance, the atonal Sludge swamp near the end of “Stainless Conception” (“Lovesome cunt walls engross favorable suitor”), the eerie intro and bridges of “Deadened Prior to Coitus” (“Stink tunnel flooded with seminal bliss”), the depressive melody smoke-breaks on “Voyeuristic Engagement” (“Beatings continue while her body is still warm”), and the Prog farts on “Clotting the Vacant Stare,” replete with its own uncharacteristically melodic flair (“You can tell many things about a person by looking into their eyes / He could see in hers, she was ready to die”). These guys command an aural ferocity so viciously potent —a brutality so inhumanly mechanical— that their songs don’t necessarily need to be memorable to achieve replay value. Yet amidst this sea of endless rapid-fire riff-vomit, 666 pinch harmonics per track, and the unwavering raw sewage belch of Jeremiah Blue Jensen, you’ll find the quartet has spoiled us with just enough experimentation to remind the listener that this is, in fact, music created by musicians. After all, you know that old saying: “Subtle taste of shit… Accommodates belly full of hot piss.” An early contender for ultra-brutal album of the year that will be tough to beat.

Inexorable Defiance is an interesting album. When I first listened to it, I couldn’t shake the notion that I’d heard the guitar style somewhere else before, but in a different genre. I’ve seen this band classified as Black Metal on various sites, but this isn’t Black Metal in the traditional sense (Metal music played for the greater glory of Satan/Satanic ideology). This is Viking/Pagan Metal, but not in the Folk Metal style that is generally associated with that genre. Most of the Viking/Pagan Metal bands I’ve heard use Folk rhythms or instrumentation in their sound. It inevitably leads to the whole “beer tent at the Renaissance Faire” thing that irritates so many people. Bornholm doesn’t do this. The guitar style is pure Rotting Christ. If Viking-Era Bathory was reinterpreted by Rotting Christ, the result would sound a lot like what is on Inexorable Defiance. It’s an interesting combination, which is why I like it. That and the fact that I’m a huge Rotting Christ fan. I’ve heard quite a few different interpretations of the Viking Metal style, but this is the first time I’ve heard a Viking Metal band use the darkly melodic guitar style that you get from Rotting Christ. The only track on here that isn’t awesome is their cover of Bathory’s “Valhalla” - which isn’t a bad rendition. The playing is faithful to the original, for the most part. The song just doesn’t really fit here. The style is just so different from the rest of the album that it sticks out as an anachronism. Lyrically and thematically, it fits right in with the other songs. Musically, though, it breaks the flow of the album. It isn’t a serious detraction, but it’s something of an annoyance. I still highly recommend this, though.

Last year I criticized Jess and the Ancient Ones’ self-titled LP for being an unauthentic, boring listen, and I still stand by those words for the most part. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t take this opportunity to mention that the song “Sulfur Giants” has significantly grown on me since that review, earning itself heavy rotation during my nightly inebriation rituals. (Sure, the rest of the album is worthless, but in hindsight, perhaps a three-quarters-of-a-point rating spike should’ve been in order.) That sad ‘n’ soulful tune has also successfully piqued my interest concerning this prompt 3-song follow-up. If these three cuts prove to be half as good as my beloved epic, it’d make for one hell of a rebound effort. Or at worst, maybe one of them will serve as “Sulfur Giants 2”? No such luck. If anything, this ’70s-obsessed Occult Rock outfit is moving yet further away from the meaningful and the morose. The opening title track sounds like their take on The Munsters theme song, and henceforth, is quickly skipped the fuck over. Next up they drop a Shocking Blue cover on us. If you don’t remember the trippy Dutch quartet, that’s probably because no one does. However, chances are you’re familiar with a couple of their songs. Nirvana covered “Love Buzz” on their classic Bleach debut, and Bananarama’s only hit, “Venus,” was actually a Shocking Blue cover as well. Somehow I don’t think Jess and the gang’s rendition of “Long and Lonesome Road” will make the same kind of waves. It’s a fairly lifeless psychedelic ditty, perhaps a bit too true to the original for its own good. That leaves 15-minute closer “More Than Living” as the only hope for something salvageable. It is by far the best track here. Beginning with an acoustic air of somber melancholy given wings by Jess’s ’70s-diva-with-the-blues approach, the song subtly escalates into an all-out, organ-fueled hippie jamfest. Despite convincing sincerity and fluent playing throughout, this epic tune ultimately fails to sustain its emotional weight. So… yeah… that about wraps things up. Thanks for the leftover throwaway scraps. I think I’ll go listen to “Sulfur Giants” 33 times while masturbating onto my holographic Shroud of Turin replica and crying.

Florida’s Dark Sermon (the artists formerly known as In Reference to a Sinking Ship) have quite possibly crafted the most boring Death Metal record of all time. I’m talking about an album so boring, it’s actually kind of impressive in a trapeze-walking sense. In Tongues does not possess a split second of material that is capable of engaging or exciting the listener in any way, shape or form. Forty-four minutes of unimaginably unimaginative pummel ‘n’ churn that sounds like Job for a Cowboy and The Black Dahlia Murder fucked and had an autistic child. It’s not as though this album is terrible or weak, irritating or cliche, or even played poorly… but I almost wish it were. It would at least be remarkable in some fashion. I would at least remember it for something. No, instead it simply exists for the sake of mediocre existence. Nothing could be more middle-of-the-road without becoming actual roadkill. I wish I could go into more detail for you. I wish I could pinpoint exactly what is wrong with this WNBA game of an album. But the half-dozen or so spins I’ve lent In Tongues have resulted in experiences akin to alien abduction. I remember putting a CD in the stereo, I remember hitting play. Then there was some double-bass, some distorted guitars, some lightweight Deathcore barking, some blastbeats, dissenting lyrical template #9412, and then… nothing. Three-quarters of an hour completely lost that I have no recollection of whatsoever. I wake up in a field in New Mexico and my asshole hurts. One has to assume these youngsters scored a record deal based solely on the energy and enthusiasm of their live performances, or perhaps they are able to use their proven powers of hypnotherapy to their advantage. Either way, watching flies fuck would’ve at least been educational.

This is already the second Frostbitten album released this year. The first, We Prayed Under the Altar of Luna, is mostly Black Metal but had one track on it (“Altar of Luna”) that was Stoner/Doom. The Void of Insanity, though, is all Doom. When I reviewed We Prayed Under the Altar of Luna, I said that Frostbitten was better at playing Doom. Apparently, Frostbitten (the sole member of the band) agreed with me. Insanity is only marginally better than Luna, which is a bit of a disappointment. Frostbitten reminds me of Wrest from Leviathan in that he pumps out a tremendous amount of material each year. On top of We Prayed Under the Altar of Luna, Frostbitten has just released two instrumental Drone/Doom albums under the name Los (one entitled Darkness and the other, Light), and already has a new one (We Feared the Wrath of Lord Lucifer) as Frostbitten. That’s a total of five albums so far this year, and we’re only about a third of the way into 2013. If we were talking about Tupac, I could see this happening because all of those releases would be remix LPs instead of new, original material. Frostbitten is blasting out albums like an ADHD kid amped up on Red Bull. In marketing, we refer to this as “flooding the zone” and it’s a tactic that tends not to work. The Void of Insanity shows the weakness of this strategy. This could have been a better album. The playing is sloppy and the songs are very rough sounding; the hallmarks of someone rushing the development process in order to get a product to market. Frostbitten is opting for quantity over quality, and that’s always bad. There are some good ideas here, but they’re underdeveloped. Having twenty releases out there sounds impressive, but if they’re all crap, what’s the point? I doubt that Frostbitten will read this or follow my advice, but my recommendation is that he should slow down and work on his music a little more. Taking the time to develop a good song and getting the recording/production right always results in a better product. This sounds like it should be a demo or a rehearsal instead of a full-length LP. From a marketing perspective, it’s is a hard sell at best. Frostbitten has potential. I can hear things on The Void of Insanity that tell me that there is talent and creativity underneath the sloppiness. If those things can be refined and properly displayed, Frostbitten could, one day, be mentioned in the same breath as Angel Witch or Cathedral. But that day isn’t today.

The promise of a new October Tide recording is a close second to Katatonia in terms of anticipation and excitement. Granted, it’s a much rarer occasion. Formed in 1994 by Fredrik Norrman and Jonas Renkse, few debut albums are held as sacred as 1997’s Rain Without End — the last time we would be privileged to hear Renkse’s tormented harsh vocals (2008’s Ayreon guest spot notwithstanding). A Canorous Quintet frontman Marten Hansen proved to be a more than serviceable successor on 1999’s worthy follow-up Grey Dawn, but shortly after the LPs release, the Tide went on hiatus, not to rise again for a decade. Reactivated in 2009 by Fredrik, the following year’s masterpiece A Thin Shell would serve as a return so flawlessly executed it left this scribe literally speechless. Now, reunited with his brother and former Katatonia/Uncanny bandmate Mattias, North is promptly back to treat the gloom-afflicted among us to the aptly-titled Tunnel of No Light. Guitarist Emil Alstermark and drummer Robin Bergh return for the second time, but Tobias Netzell has parted ways to fulfill In Mourning obligations. A pity… I had hoped he would one day get to flex his clean vocal muscle on OT wax. In his place is newcomer Alexander Hogbom (Spasmodic, Volturyon), whose sandpaper delivery sounds eerily similar to Netzell’s most of the time. Perhaps October Tide’s downcast musical nucleus transforms its narrative host to the tone of its liking? His performance is remarkably solid, as if Alstermark and Norrman’s anti-life riff equation needed much assistance. The overpowering waves of melancholic mastery that wash over the instantly spine-chilling auras of sorrowful gems like “Of Wounds to Come,” “Emptiness Fulfilled,” “Caught in Silence,” and “Watching the Drowners” recall the depressive magnificence of the For Funerals to Come / Rain Without End era. Elsewhere, sprawling epics such as “Our Constellation,” “In Hopeless Pursuit,” and “Adoring Ashes” don’t reveal their staying power until the album’s all-shade black hole sucks the listener into many a repeated listen. Look, it’d be downright inconceivable to ask a band who’ve already overcome the loss of a god among men —although it’s comforting to know Renkse still contributes lyrically— to top three consecutive perfect records. Tunnel of No Light comes damn close. Perhaps now free from the rigorous touring demands of Katatonia, the brothers Norrman will maintain the band in the fashion it has always deserved. Long live the timeless essence of Katatonia’s Doomy past. Long live October Tide.