I have no earthly clue why any label would want to put out this worthless fucking CD. The production is beyond awful. This CD was obviously duplicated from a TDK blank tape that was purchased at a GL Perry in 1986, dubbed over 9 times, urinated on, microwaved, then left outside for 3 years. If I turn my stereo up to its highest possible volume I can almost make out the prototype for all lame, substandard, poorly programmed drum machine-driven Black Metal cheese over the last 11 years. Act now while supplies last.

This band has just blown up so big right now, I wonder if a review is even necessary. Especially when we’re dealing with a band so musically varied, which makes the review even tougher yet. That’s why I don’t quite understand all the record labels using BtBaM as a comparison on every new Metalcore band’s CD promo sticker. Nobody sounds like these guys, and these guys sound like nobody. This band’s music is an amalgam of just about every kind of extreme music out there. Death, Black, Thrash, Hardcore, Metalcore, Grind, Gothenburg, the list goes on and on. one of their best qualities is that they can borrow from all these genres so creatively, and without it sounding confused or thrown together, that the finished product could not sound more original. The biggest difference between The Silent Circus and their debut, is the addition of Emo arrangements intact with good clean singing and all. So now, amidst this extravaganza of extremity, the band can also shift to poignant Indie Rock and back effortlessly without missing a hitch. Simply put, there is something here for everybody. Everybody cool, I should say. Oh, and just in case you didn’t know, this supergroup features ex-members of other awesome projects, Prayer for Cleansing, Undying, From Here On, and the criminally underrated Azazel.

Substandard Death/Grindcore from Italy. They try their best to pay homage to the Gorefathers, Impetigo, Carcass, and Gut, but a lot of bands do, and a lot of bands do it better. The main problems are the guitar sound, which is extremely heavy but so low in the mix, and severely unintelligent lyrics. I’d give you some examples but my IQ might drop from typing them. Let’s just say you can live without this one, that is unless it is your steadfast goal in life to own any and all things Gore. If that’s the case I envy your income and free time.

When I first heard the unholy racket that this Polish horde churns out, I wrote them off as just another “Grim” Black Metal band trying to do what Darkthrone did a decade ago. After a second and third listen, however, I’ve come to the conclusion that they aren’t just another “Clone-Throne” band - my new description for bands that blatantly and shamelessly ape Darkthrone. Granted, their guitar sound is lacking lower-end and their drums are too loud, but they do have a lot of potential. One thing that I liked was the fact that not only was the bass audible but the bassist can actually play! There was some creative bass work and even some kick-ass guitar riffs. Where Besatt does their best work is when they stay in the mid-paced speed range. When they kick it up into high gear, they just don’t pack the same punch and probably lose some power because the guitars get buried beneath the snare drum assault. This is a good start and if they can keep on adding new ideas to their sound, Besatt will be yet another Polish band to look out for.

A sad case here. These guys have all the tools (speed, technical ability, drums from hell), but somehow this fierce Black/Death onslaught just falls flat on its ass. It’s fast, it’s heavy, a little Dark Funeral here, some Vital Remains there, they even utilize a little melody (“Demonic Staccato Erection” for example). I’ve given this album so many chances and it always ends up like Teflon. It just doesn’t stick, baby.

Fast and brutal Japcore with really stupid lyrics. This would actually be okay were it not for the high pitched backing vocals that sound like a 9-year old girl screaming. It’s extremely irritating. Nothing sadder than a joke band that isn’t funny.

Another member of the San Franciscan Unmemorable Black Metal Horde [by way of Minnesota. -Editor]. These guys are easily standouts because they use actual guitar riffs. They aren’t the best riffs, but you can’t have it all. Now all they need is a better vocalist and shorter songs. With these revisions made, I am confident that Azrael can make the jump from downright awful to simply mediocre. The cream of the San Fran crop by far.

After spinning this disc a few times, it’s hard to shake the fact that this Czech band really likes old Morbid Angel. The whole album just reeks of Altars of Madness and Blessed Are the Sick era Morbid Angel, much in the same way as Belphegor (Austria) or Sadistic Intent. The influence is not only clear but actually calls attention to itself. There are a few moments where Avenger breaks away from the worship of the old Florida Death Metal sound and creates some dark, atmospheric shit that sounds sick as fuck. Overall, this is well played, solid in production and packaging, but at the same time really doesn’t show how good this band can be when they hit on an original idea. Having heard this band’s previous releases, I was hoping that they would really push the atmospheric envelope a bit further. There are hints that they may incorporate the atmospheric stuff some more, which gives me yet another reason to pick up their next album.

This band is very good on the musical side of things, and of course I dig the Heartwork-era Carcass-style vocals. But the clean singing sounds terribly out of place. A decent voice, but maybe almost too clean? However, the 5-song CDR is rescued by elements of Melodeath, Euro-Thrash and even NWOBHM. Imagine Dark Tranquillity when they would… wait a god damn second! Are they? Don’t tell me… I think these guys are fucking christians!! Never mind!

Tenth rate Enslaved. Did I mention I don’t even like Enslaved? You can imagine how excited this has me.

Holy fuck! From the tortured vocals to the intensity of the so-Hardcore-it’s-Death-Metal music, this is flawless. It’s difficult to know what else to say about this album because listening to it stuns the mind so much. And it is impossible to sit behind a keyboard, typing about this masterpiece while it’s playing. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve been possessed and have to get on with the killing.

The intro sounds like something the organist at a homosexual wedding might play. The rest of the album is cliche Power Glam more specifically designed for the honeymoon.

Background noise does not move me. I find it hard to get excited about 43 minutes of horror movie score-sounding type shit. Who actually buys this stuff? “Hold on, dear. Let me play this eerie, dark, ambient soundscape while I do this year’s taxes.” I guess this might come in handy at a haunted house Halloween party or something. Maybe I just don’t burn enough incense.

The sticker on the front of this band’s CD case describes them as Nordic Folk Metal. To me, that label applies to bands that are much more Folk influenced than this band is. To me, Folk Metal is along the lines of bands like Falkenbach, Storm (Norway), Rivendell, Cruachan, Forefather or Graveland. These bands incorporate the Folk sound more fully than Asmegin does. Asmegin sounds more like a Death Metal band trying to be “Folk influenced” but still sounding essentially like a Death Metal band most of the time. This means down-tuned guitars, double bass drumming, growling vocals and riffs that are generally more brutal than melodic. A band in the Death Metal genre that really did European Folk well was Amorphis and to this day, they’re still probably the best Death Metal band doing that sort of thing (if you can still call what they’re doing “Death Metal”). Asmegin has some good stuff, but the Folk influenced material sounds almost like it was slapped on in places. There never seems to be a conscious effort to integrate the two divergent sounds fully. I’ll give the band credit for trying something different - our Lord and Master Satan (!!!) knows full well how badly the Norse hordes have incorporated Electronica into their music… This album has its interesting moments, but Asmegin still has a ways to go before I can say they’re contenders for the throne.

Cello Metal? Go fuck yourselves.

Postmortem Apocalypse was one of those albums you hear about long before it ever hits the stores. It was recorded in 2002 and everyone who supposedly heard it thought it was fucking great. Having heard their previous release, Bloody Mary, I was interested in hearing how this band had progressed. After having given this album a spin or five, I have to conclude that while this album is definitely good, it just doesn’t have that intangible that makes an album “great.” Having said that, there are plenty of things that Anwyl did on this CD that are worth mentioning. They’ve incorporated some more Thrash into their sound, added a little more technical ability, some good guitar solos and I can tell that their songwriting has also improved. There were only two areas that I thought could use a little work. First of all, the drumming… I must admit that I think blast beats are boring and make every song sound the same. Anwyl seems to have a drummer who clearly enjoys playing fast and furious. The lack of restraint in the drumming department really made this album more repetitious than it should have sounded. Add this to problem number two, the production, and you have a situation where the hyperactive drumming really hurts. This album is drum-heavy. The snare is obviously one of the top two loudest things on this CD. When the guitar gets drowned out, things get generic. These two things really weren’t big deals in and of themselves but in combination, they add up to enough to bring this down a notch. There is still plenty of good stuff on Postmortem Apocalypse but if you’re looking for an album that legitimately qualifies as “great,” this is close but not quite there yet. Their next album, however, may be the one that puts Anwyl on the list of contenders for the throne.

I guess that this sort of rough-edged Pop Punk is okay. It’s probably better than stuff like Good Charlotte or whatever. Not that I’d really know for sure. But there are some good moments here and there, and the rest isn’t bad.

These guys must have spent a mint on the packaging of this CDR. They seem like okay guys, too. So I really wanted to like this, but… It’s terrible. The overall recording quality itself isn’t bad, but the guitars are exceedingly thin and wispy, and that’s when they’re not utterly buried by the mixed-way-too-high keyboards. Still, I could almost deal with all that, since more money for a better studio and mix could possible save things next time. No, what really hurts this the most is the singing. Imagine the worst lower-register proto-Thrash singer you ever heard, then stab him the throat a couple times with a rusty spoon (not in the good way), and force him to do his poorest impression of Master of Puppets-era James Hetfield trying to sound like Rob Halford’s retarded little brother. But wait! There’s more! Get all that in your mind, and then (Satan help us!) a really bad chick singer comes in every now and then with the “opera” vocals. If anyone cares, there is also a CD-ROM video track and some other multimedia stuff that I honestly didn’t check out.

This band clearly likes the whole “minimalism” aspect of old Burzum/Judas Iscariot. Kampen Fortsatter sounds very much in the vein of early Burzum. It’s got that grim, dark feeling and the riffs are very repetitive, almost getting that “droning” quality. Angantyr has definitely got the atmosphere part of Burzum nailed. Musically, this is more in the vein of third or fourth-album-era Burzum, where the songs are long but not epic length. There are keyboards used but mostly as a garnish, adding atmosphere where needed but not an integral part of the band’s sound. Most of the tracks on Kampen Fortsatter are guitar-based, without any keyboards at all. If you like bands in the vein of Burzum or Judas Iscariot, you’ll definitely enjoy the music of Angantyr.

Legions of unkempt Crust Punks hail this early ’80s band as immortal legends, and even Metalheads seem to idolize them. I’m sorry, I just don’t hear it. I respect their raw, primal approach, but it’s sloppy, boring, and I could never stand the vocals. This live performance from Slovenia in 1986 actually sounds better than some of their studio recordings, and undoubtedly the stage captures their intensity better than wax, but I have to say Make Some Fucking Noise is an all-too-appropriate title, as that’s all it sounds like to me.