Background noise does not move me. I find it hard to get excited about 43 minutes of horror movie score-sounding type shit. Who actually buys this stuff? “Hold on, dear. Let me play this eerie, dark, ambient soundscape while I do this year’s taxes.” I guess this might come in handy at a haunted house Halloween party or something. Maybe I just don’t burn enough incense.

The sticker on the front of this band’s CD case describes them as Nordic Folk Metal. To me, that label applies to bands that are much more Folk influenced than this band is. To me, Folk Metal is along the lines of bands like Falkenbach, Storm (Norway), Rivendell, Cruachan, Forefather or Graveland. These bands incorporate the Folk sound more fully than Asmegin does. Asmegin sounds more like a Death Metal band trying to be “Folk influenced” but still sounding essentially like a Death Metal band most of the time. This means down-tuned guitars, double bass drumming, growling vocals and riffs that are generally more brutal than melodic. A band in the Death Metal genre that really did European Folk well was Amorphis and to this day, they’re still probably the best Death Metal band doing that sort of thing (if you can still call what they’re doing “Death Metal”). Asmegin has some good stuff, but the Folk influenced material sounds almost like it was slapped on in places. There never seems to be a conscious effort to integrate the two divergent sounds fully. I’ll give the band credit for trying something different - our Lord and Master Satan (!!!) knows full well how badly the Norse hordes have incorporated Electronica into their music… This album has its interesting moments, but Asmegin still has a ways to go before I can say they’re contenders for the throne.

Cello Metal? Go fuck yourselves.

Postmortem Apocalypse was one of those albums you hear about long before it ever hits the stores. It was recorded in 2002 and everyone who supposedly heard it thought it was fucking great. Having heard their previous release, Bloody Mary, I was interested in hearing how this band had progressed. After having given this album a spin or five, I have to conclude that while this album is definitely good, it just doesn’t have that intangible that makes an album “great.” Having said that, there are plenty of things that Anwyl did on this CD that are worth mentioning. They’ve incorporated some more Thrash into their sound, added a little more technical ability, some good guitar solos and I can tell that their songwriting has also improved. There were only two areas that I thought could use a little work. First of all, the drumming… I must admit that I think blast beats are boring and make every song sound the same. Anwyl seems to have a drummer who clearly enjoys playing fast and furious. The lack of restraint in the drumming department really made this album more repetitious than it should have sounded. Add this to problem number two, the production, and you have a situation where the hyperactive drumming really hurts. This album is drum-heavy. The snare is obviously one of the top two loudest things on this CD. When the guitar gets drowned out, things get generic. These two things really weren’t big deals in and of themselves but in combination, they add up to enough to bring this down a notch. There is still plenty of good stuff on Postmortem Apocalypse but if you’re looking for an album that legitimately qualifies as “great,” this is close but not quite there yet. Their next album, however, may be the one that puts Anwyl on the list of contenders for the throne.

I guess that this sort of rough-edged Pop Punk is okay. It’s probably better than stuff like Good Charlotte or whatever. Not that I’d really know for sure. But there are some good moments here and there, and the rest isn’t bad.

These guys must have spent a mint on the packaging of this CDR. They seem like okay guys, too. So I really wanted to like this, but… It’s terrible. The overall recording quality itself isn’t bad, but the guitars are exceedingly thin and wispy, and that’s when they’re not utterly buried by the mixed-way-too-high keyboards. Still, I could almost deal with all that, since more money for a better studio and mix could possible save things next time. No, what really hurts this the most is the singing. Imagine the worst lower-register proto-Thrash singer you ever heard, then stab him the throat a couple times with a rusty spoon (not in the good way), and force him to do his poorest impression of Master of Puppets-era James Hetfield trying to sound like Rob Halford’s retarded little brother. But wait! There’s more! Get all that in your mind, and then (Satan help us!) a really bad chick singer comes in every now and then with the “opera” vocals. If anyone cares, there is also a CD-ROM video track and some other multimedia stuff that I honestly didn’t check out.

This band clearly likes the whole “minimalism” aspect of old Burzum/Judas Iscariot. Kampen Fortsatter sounds very much in the vein of early Burzum. It’s got that grim, dark feeling and the riffs are very repetitive, almost getting that “droning” quality. Angantyr has definitely got the atmosphere part of Burzum nailed. Musically, this is more in the vein of third or fourth-album-era Burzum, where the songs are long but not epic length. There are keyboards used but mostly as a garnish, adding atmosphere where needed but not an integral part of the band’s sound. Most of the tracks on Kampen Fortsatter are guitar-based, without any keyboards at all. If you like bands in the vein of Burzum or Judas Iscariot, you’ll definitely enjoy the music of Angantyr.

Legions of unkempt Crust Punks hail this early ’80s band as immortal legends, and even Metalheads seem to idolize them. I’m sorry, I just don’t hear it. I respect their raw, primal approach, but it’s sloppy, boring, and I could never stand the vocals. This live performance from Slovenia in 1986 actually sounds better than some of their studio recordings, and undoubtedly the stage captures their intensity better than wax, but I have to say Make Some Fucking Noise is an all-too-appropriate title, as that’s all it sounds like to me.

Clocked in at a dreadful 71 minutes [Mercifully, we only received the first of the three discs apparently in the actual retail version, so only Satan knows how long the torture really lasts. -Editor], this pompous display of Power Metal in Broadway play form is excruciatingly painful enough to make even the most open-minded of music buffs gas him or herself in the garage. Metal and Opera should never be fused together, much like coconut and the human tongue. Recommended only for those who enjoy bourgeois garbage like the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and/or the act of felching.