Faithxtractor - Razing the World of Myth

Posted on Monday, March 07, 2011

Old School Thrash with Death Metal vocals. The band plays with a passionate nostalgic sincerity, but it doesn’t save the album’s dated feel or the listener’s boredom through fifteen minutes in. Unintelligent intelligible lyrics definitely do not help matters at all. Yet another band Thrashing like it’s 1986, and I have to be the asshole to remind them it’s not.

Rating:
-
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Exotic Animal Petting Zoo - I Have Made My Bed in Darkness

Posted on Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Recommended for fans of Dillinger Escape Plan and Mr. Bungle.

Rating:
-
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Equilibrium - Sagas

Posted on Friday, February 25, 2011

A puzzling mixture of Black Metal and NWOGFPM (New Wave of Gay Fag Pirate Metal), also known as “Viking” or “Pagan” Metal. Whatever you want to call it this week, what starts out as a solid Black Metal album is quickly killed by accordion-infused Polka, sometimes bordering on Disco! Even with a cunt in the band, they manage to reach a new level of homo.

Rating:
-
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Enslaved - Vertebrae

Posted on Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Norwegian trendfuckers Enslaved have always held a dubious distinction throughout their entire career. The most overrated band in Metal at any and every stage of their existence, a difficult feat to say the least. Criminally overrated, in fact, whether it be their we-wanna-play-too early Black Metal stylings complete with Popeye vocal, or the we-wanna-play-too Viking Opeth impersonation they’ve been working on for three albums. This album is pure forgettable shit, just like every other album they’ve ever done. Musically it’s a blend of whatever’s hot right now, just like every other album they’ve ever done. Prog/Viking/Melodeath with a mix of Whitesnake singing and the most horribly irritating gruff vocals you can imagine. I’m just waiting for some magazine douchebag who’s never been laid to label this Post-Black. Still, this unimpressive boredom will somehow make it’s way onto every Metal publication on the planet’s Top 10 list for 2008, just like every other album they’ve ever done. Well, I truly do hope you’ve enjoyed the first negative press you’ve ever read on Enslaved, and be on the lookout for their Metalcore album next fall.

Rating:
-
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Embrace the End - Ley Lines

Posted on Sunday, January 23, 2011

A lengthy hiatus between albums and a new, revamped lineup have really helped this Sacramento quintet come into their own. Their Counting Hallways to the Left debut was a solid, albeit unspectacular listen, but the band is no longer a second rate version of frequent tourmates Heaven Shall Burn. Ley Lines flows with passion, tension, and an actual identity. They still blast, breakdown, and bring the edgy melodies, but this time around things are a lot less predictable. I love how the band use noisy Mathcore excursions and dizzying technical insanity in strict moderation. This way they are able to take any given song to another level without completely leaving the stratosphere. Controlled chaos is a much more effective weapon than a headache inducing clusterfuck, few bands of this ilk realize that. Jesse Alford’s vocal performance is also noteworthy. This kid is able to sound angry, confused, insane, pissed off, and sad all at the same time, seemingly without effort. One minute ready to cry, ready to kill the next.

Rating:
-
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Eluveitie - Slania

Posted on Sunday, January 23, 2011

Let’s get out our “Pagan Metal” checklists. Unpronounceable, unspellable band name? Check. Thirty-six band members? Check. Bagpipes, kilts, ridiculous medieval wardrobe? Check. Forests, trees, small children with swords? Check. A musical blend of Black, Power Metal and Flogging Molly? Check. A CD sold to a used record store for $2.50? Check.

Rating:
-
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Dodsferd - Death Set the Beginning of My Journey

Posted on Friday, November 05, 2010

I am by no means a proponent of instrumental bands in Extreme Metal, but this fourth album from the one-man Greek Black Metal entity known as Dodsferd would’ve been an easy 10 without vocals. Just about every riff on this album is flawless. Imagine prime Darkthrone meeting prime Rotting Christ somewhere underneath the darkened shroud of a Carpathian Forest. But Wrath’s vocals are just fucking horrible. A feeble bitch scream with occasional drunken clean yell? Annoying to the point of actual sadness when you consider the quality of the music being wasted.

Rating:
-
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Dimlaia - Dimlaia

Posted on Saturday, October 30, 2010

I can truthfully say I’ve never heard anything like this in my life. Unfortunately I don’t necessarily mean that as a compliment. Noisy, experimental, heavy, sometimes somber, and completely impossible to describe or categorize. The best I can come up with is Neurosis and Dystopia tag-teaming His Hero Is Gone while Remains of the Day watches. Vocals will go from screaming to shouting to actual singing, none of which are done exceptionally well or poorly. Hey, there’s always room for cello. I think this band’s main intent was to write dark, melancholy music. They just go about it in such an unconventional way that it kind of misses the mark. It’s certainly way the fuck over my head.

Rating:
-
Tags: - -
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Devian - God to the Illfated

Posted on Tuesday, October 26, 2010

This album picks up right where Ninewinged Serpent left off. Devastatingly catchy Black/Death meets Old School Thrash in a whirlwind of merciless hooks and fierce melody. I’m even tempted to say that Legion’s vocals have never sounded better. Quite a statement considering his resume. This is just a clinic on the forgotten art of memorable songwriting, and with the band already penning their third album, it appears that Devian will be providing us these unfriendly reminders of how it should be done for a long time to come. No complaints here.

Rating:
-
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