We start out with piano. So many bands start out with piano nowadays it’s kind of difficult to predict what’s next. Song two brings us some slow groovy Doom that isn’t bad, but can’t save the songs from the horribly cheesy vocals. The nicest thing I can say about them is that they are a Danzig rip off that falls somewhere between truly pathetic and hideously lame. I get the same irritable feeling I got when I heard Life of Agony try to cover The Breakfast Club theme song. With a strong Death Metal voice, this might have stood a chance. Why do people who can’t sing try?

This melodic, technical Black Metal is all the more impressive considering that Darken is a two-man band, with one guy playing all the instruments. It’s really a shame that there are only three songs on this (although they’re long - this EP clocks in at about 23 minutes), because I’d like to hear more.

The name of this demo pretty much sums up the style of Glam Metal that these complete fucking jokes play. The vocalist sounds like he is trying out for a Motley Crue cover band. I really should have been able to tell that this was gonna be bad by A.) Cheesy Butt Rock band name, B.) Complete absence of dignity or originality with desperate song titles like “Enter the Nightmare” and “Exit Jekyll, Enter Hyde,” and C.) The band’s photo. The drummer has the gayest white trash haircut I’ve ever seen in my life. I bet you all these guys wear huge white high-top basketball shoes with the tongues sticking out over their pants which are 3 sizes too tight. Call me anything you want, this clown should be beaten down and shaven. C’mon you dorks, the early ’80s are long gone. Let’s learn from our mistakes, okay?

Formerly known as Adversary, this Israeli band plays an interesting style of Black Metal that combines elements of faster raw bands, with more melodic, majestic keyboards. The results are pretty impressive.

Very energetic and well played Thrash.

[Metal Curse #11 had an additional loose page (“Last Second Additions”) inserted into the centerfold of the zine, featuring a bunch of even-shorter-than-usual “bonus” reviews of stuff that arrived after the deadline for that issue. This is one of those “Last Second Additions” reviews.]

This is a side project of Moonspell that, according to the little sticker on the front, explores their darker side. In other words, it’s Moonspell’s Wolfheart album mixed with more than a little Bathory. As a matter of fact, they even cover a Bathory song. This is Black Metal in the traditional sense as it is Metal music with Satanic lyrics. Face it, with songs like “Hymn to Lucifer,” “Lex Talionis,” “Incubus” and “The Seventh Deamonarch,” you don’t really have to guess where they’re coming from. This is kind of primitive, older sounding in more than one way, but with some modernisms included. The problem I had with it was that it sounds contrived. They seek to regress from their Gothic tendencies and go back toward their demo days. If you want to hear the genuine article, their demo or 7-inch should have been repressed instead. On the whole, this isn’t a bad album but as I mentioned, it sounds a tad fake, if you ask me.

This is not in any way what I was expecting from a Head Not Found band. Cybele plays what I think they would describe as Goth Rock. I’d describe it as “puke.” There are keyboards and (none too impressive) female vocals most of the time, and occasionally a simple distorted guitar riff. Actually, this sounds like some kinda shit that I’d hear on the radio or on MTV. One more for the “backyard Tron” pile.

Brutal American Death Metal. Nothing more and nothing less, but it’s certainly well recorded and very professional looking and sounding.

Grind-fest. If I hadn’t seen these guys live, I’d wonder if they could actually pull off this speed and intensity for more than a couple songs in a row. But they do it. The only problem is that no matter how ultra-intense the band is, after the disc is over, all I can remember is the tempo. It’s awesome while it lasts, though.

Atmospheric and sort of Doomy Black Death.

[Metal Curse #11 had an additional loose page (“Last Second Additions”) inserted into the centerfold of the zine, featuring a bunch of even-shorter-than-usual “bonus” reviews of stuff that arrived after the deadline for that issue. This is one of those “Last Second Additions” reviews.]

This band hails from Germany, one of the largest markets in the world for Metal, but their sound comes more from the Norse hordes than from the ancient Teutonic Godz. If you could compare this band to any other, it would have to be Emperor or Dimmu Borgir, though this is because their keyboard takes center stage. The other instruments are there, just not as prominent. The guitars are kind of thin and the drums are a bit on the loud side compared to the guitars but this is only a minor problem. The music is very atmospheric but problems erupt when they pick up speed. When Cryogenic is in the slow to medium pace (sort of in the Blood Ritual-era Samael or older Rotting Christ range), things rule. This shit sounds great at those speeds. When they pick it up to a Dark Funeral / Setherial pace (which they do occasionally), things get generic and this brings everything down. Cryogenic is a band to watch, definitely. If they can work out some of their weaker points (such as the speed thing), the next album will be a masterpiece.

After their mega-heavy debut, S.O.L., Las Cruces have returned to deliver even more crushing power. Comparisons to Black Sabbath seem too obvious to mention, but if these guys can keep writing riffs like these, and albums like this one, who cares if their sound is derivative?

The album cover for this disc would have given my mother a heart attack back in 1985. It’s a big devil hand-sign superimposed on a pentacle engulfed in flames. Not that it’s that scary or original nowadays, nor is their “bullet belts ‘n’ leather” image. But apparently these guys sure love Satan, as their lyric sheet reads like outtakes from Possessed’s Seven Churches album, also circa 1985. The music itself is intense Death/Thrash played skillfully. The hands-down highlight of this opus being “1999 - Revolution 666,” featuring a chorus so corny I almost peed myself: “Welcome to Planet Satan! / Drop the big one baby! / Hell is here! / DESTROY! DESTROY! DESTROY!”

This is just fucking horrible. I was really hoping that opening moments of the first track were a joke and that the actual music and real vocals would start up any second, replacing this trendy groove-“Metal” anti-heavy celebration of queerness. That they end this abomination with their lame version of Metallica’s “Whiplash” is strange only because I’m surprised that these lads have ever heard that song. Although judging from their cover, maybe they haven’t.

Any band with a song called “Sluts of Satan” has got to be cool, I guess, but this “Psycho-Satanic Speed Metal” team only just qualifies. Really, it’s the screechy vocals that hold this down for the most part, but I must admit that the lyrics are hard to beat. All this retro stuff is sort of strange to me, since I was there the first time, but Cranium seem to have a handle on the classic German sound, and mix it with early Bay Area stuff (a lot of Exodus and a touch of Slayer). If only the vox were a bit less testicularly challenged, this would be great fun. I also suggest leaving the drum solos to Gene Hoglan or Mikkey Dee.

A true no-frills Hardcore act from Italy of all places, though I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at that. These guys play with a lot of energy and aggression, both qualities you need for successful Hardcore. A good earbleeding time will be had by anyone who picks this up.

I have read that the style played by this band is called “Death Rock.” According to their press release, Crack Up supposedly combines elements of newer Entombed, the goofiest bits of Pungent Stench, and “the tripped out euphoria of Monster Magnet.” Well, I only like early Entombed, and Pungent Stench lost me with all the “comedy” of their later material. And Monster Magnet… What the fuck? I don’t understand why anyone would want to combine the very worst elements of two (at one time) good bands, with whatever “tripped out euphoria” is supposed to be. I’ve heard worse to be sure, but this is all around a bad idea.

This Symphonic Black Metal “supergroup” is hard to beat.

[Metal Curse #11 had an additional loose page (“Last Second Additions”) inserted into the centerfold of the zine, featuring a bunch of even-shorter-than-usual “bonus” reviews of stuff that arrived after the deadline for that issue. This is one of those “Last Second Additions” reviews.]

This band apparently does a lot of their country’s primary export, Brazilian crack cocaine. Sounding like it was recorded with one mike in a big, big warehouse, all you get is droning, mid-range guitar sound, murky Max Calavera vocals, and flurious drum riffs. Bass? Who needs it!? Nine songs worth of Brazilian Death Sludge. All things considered, I’ll take the coke, not the band.

Well I suppose this is an improvement over their Petitioning the Empty Sky album, with the thicker guitar sound and occasionally less stupid riffs (although there are still plenty of horrible ones) it is slightly easier to listen to, but this Hardcore / “Metal” / Fear Factory-wannabe clusterfuck with weakly screeched/distorted vocals is little more than a waste of plastic.