So what exactly is West Virginian Guerilla Grown Mountain Metal? It’s Old School Thrash with injections of nauseatingly commercial groove. The riffs that are not intended for aerobics are undeniably played well, and the vocals actually remind me of old Sadus, which is damn refreshing. But every time I begin to feel this, along comes a Pantera moment to destroy the musical landscape like a US bomber invading some sovereign nation. Sorry, I’m not a redneck. (P.S. Dimebag got what he deserved!)

C187 is far and away the cream of the “New Thrash” crop. Just as advertised, these guys are way better than The Daunted, Dorkane, or Poo-Scented. Much like a mix of Dimension Zero and Ebony Tears, the riffs are sharp, the tempo is quick, the production is of the highest Abyss quality, and the vocals/lyrics can only be described by the album’s apt title. If you even moderately liked Subliminal Fear, this is a no-brainer purchase, as this is easily the band’s best work yet, and the first great record out of Sweden for 2003.

This might be the best album Cold Meat has ever released. This album has put my caffeine-addicted ass to sleep every night I’ve had it, and in record time. Not because it is boring, but because it is so relaxing and soothing. Dark, minimalistic, ambient soundscapes provide a surreal feeling of calm horror and gentle oppression. The foundation of the compositions is an atmosphere of the world around you slowly caving in. What separates Coph Nia is the addition of vocals in a truly unique way. Either a tranquil spoken word or a softly, eloquently sung voice that almost seems disembodied from the surrounding darkness. There is occasionally a choir arrangement that will actually heighten tension and add an epic sensibility. The instrumentation is sparse, a touch of piano here and there and some scattered drums is about it. I usually don’t go for such unconventional methods of songwriting, but this is just done so well. One of the darkest pieces of music ever composed, and it will be a long time before I listen to anything else at bedtime. Features a cover of “Stigmata Martyr” that Bauhaus fans will have to hear to believe.

Oh man, I think that’s a flute I hear… Perhaps it’s a keyboard that simply sounds flute-like. I have no real frame of reference to describe this, but I’ll try anyway. I guess that I’ll say it’s Folk/Prog/Art Rock with somewhat more of an emphasis on percussion (at times, anyway) than I would have guessed any such band possessed. It’s very well done, I think, but honestly not the kind of thing that I’m inclined to like. That said, one of the bonus video tracks is a somewhat impressive live cover of John Lennon’s “God” (“god is a concept by which we measure our pain / I don’t believe in Jesus”). According to the press release, everything here is rare and/or previously unreleased, including two videos.

This band’s only virtue is the ability to deliver crushing breakdowns. Everything else is a mess. “Truth” is clusterfuck Noisecore nonsense to appease the Tech Metal geeks, while “El Camaron” has a sickening, groove-laden Nu-Metal ballad feel, but admittedly, the clean vocals aren’t bad. The third track is intermission filler, and “Draw [a] Robot” is a closing amalgam of all their schizophrenic parts. As I said, the one thing that keeps me listening is the breakdowns. They are fucking monsters in league with Throwdown or On Broken Wings. The vocals are solid throughout, as well, I should mention. Once they shed their incessant need to fuck around, they’ll really be dealing.

Take 1/2 total, complete In Flames rip-off, 1/2 nu-millennium Megadeth-style Cock n’ Hole, mix that with unintelligent lyrics, and then tell me what the fuck is the big deal here. Garbage!

Why does the phrase “Nazi band from France” sound so wrong on so many levels? Maybe its because the words “Nazi” and “France” go together like “cheeseburger” and “India” or “christian” and “Black Metal.” That being said, it if fairly obvious what kind of band Chevrotine (“Buckshot” in English) is. Their style is fairly accessible, coming off as a cross between Skrewdriver and the kind of New Wave of Swedish Heavy Metal that Hammerfall or Nocturnal Rites deliver. There is just enough Punk Rawk/Oi! in their style to give it a catchy hook and memorable riffs but enough Metal to give it some punch. Their lyrics don’t really dwell too much on the White Supremacy stuff but it is clear that the guys in this band love their country and hate foreigners. All of the lyrics are sung in French but there are English translations (sometimes badly translated but you get the gist of what they’re trying to say) in the inlay. The one major problem is their choice of languages. I don’t dispute the fact that singing in your native language is easier, and if you are a French nationalist, singing in French seems logical. However, the French lyrics just sound strange when sung in a Hardcore/Punk style. This often clashes with the music and adds a jarring quality where you can actually detect where the musical flow is interrupted. This is a band that takes a little getting used to and for the most part, this is above average. The lyrical flow is the only major flaw on this CD and if these guys can work that problem out Chevrotine will be one of the better bands in a genre that is usually content to rehash either Burzum or Skrewdriver rather than try something different.

Blistering, hyper-speed Grindcore which will appease fans of everything from old Napalm Death and Agathocles to Groinchurn or Rotten Sound. Granted if you’re a longtime Grind patron, other than a few insane timing quirks and melodic oddities, there’s not much here you haven’t heard before, but it’s creative, fast, brutal, and in-your-fucking-face, and you either crave this stuff or you don’t. These Czech bedlamites cook up as fine a dish as anyone. Bon appetit.

This is a decent offering of brutal, guttural Death Metal. It does tend to become a little boring, and nothing new is brought to the table, which is understandable. It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking to rule, but I just don’t see this standing any test of time, whether it’s ten years or ten minutes. They could eventually become great, but for now, the bar is raised a little too high.

It’s just plain wrong when a band uses a good Doom name but do not play Doom. It’s downright misleading. Especially when the band in question is just another of countless groups doing the Gothenberg thing. Granted, I assume this quintet is from Finland because each band member’s name ends in -en and contains 12 “k”s and 20 “i”s. Their melodies and musicianship do show potential, but there is nothing strong enough to work its way into my pleasure center yet.

Not quite sure how essential this release this. About 95% of these songs have already seen the light of day on previous CUM releases, many of which can be found on 2000’s The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers and various comps, EPs, or splits, and what little unreleased stuff there is isn’t much to write home about. Some of them are alternate versions, but do you really care? I don’t. I’m not saying I don’t like these Japanese Gore-Grind freaks. Their bowel-rotting assault would be up the alley of any gore hound, especially recommended for fans of Mortician, Gut, or even Squash Bowels. I just don’t see the necessity for a “greatest hits” from such an obscure, short-lived act.

Running out of band names are we? Not much in the way of musical ideas either. A Maiden-minded approach to symphonic Black Metal with a production beyond faint is rarely what the doctor ordered. Often bordering on cheesy, this 3-song CDR doesn’t have a ton going for it. A few moments of respectability, but for the most part a feeble attempt.

At its best, this band sounds like a half-assed composite of Soundgarden and Black Sabbath cover bands, which I can at least slightly tolerate. At its worst, I think that it likely causes brain damage in most mammals.

Three-song CD/demo of Finnish Death/Rock. Some riffs remind me of Crematory or mid-era Paradise Lost, while much of the material has a Godless Beauty-era Cemetary vibe. one might not think the mixing of Death/Doom music with traditional Rock drumming would work, but with Death grunts intact, it actually does. The distorted hillbilly vocals on “Asskin” have got to go, though.

Okay, what once was an awesome, innovative Death/Doom band, is now reduced to In Flames clone #198,767,496. So, did Metal Blade simply demand these guys change to fit what’s hot right now, or were they just hungry? The world may never know.

This is a three-way split of raw, underproduced Black Metal. The first band on the bill is Burning Winds, who are notable for having their debut album released in only 200 copies by Necroscope (Paul from Profanatica’s label). This band is easily the worst band on this split and no matter how much the other two try, they can’t match the supreme sucking power of Burning Winds. The music is primitive, the production is awful and if there was ever a band that makes Von look like Silver Mountain, Burning Winds is it. Songs begin and end randomly, there are tracks that end apparently in the middle song and the only thing cohesive about the four songs on display is that all of them suck. Next on the bill is Kerberos. Kerberos is almost as raw as Burning Winds but at least the songs are better. They aren’t great by a long shot, but compared to Burning Winds, they are definitely an improvement. The five songs on display are raw, distorted and about as abrasive as getting a sandpaper facial. Last on the bill is Misanthropy, a band that makes Kerberos sound good but at the same time, don’t suck nearly as bad as Burning Winds. This band seriously needs to turn up their guitars. Musically, this band sounds like they may have some fast Horna-esque underproduced Black Metal going on - if only I could hear the riffs. Most of the time, the guitar is buried squarely underneath the drumming and the vocals. The drumming is clearly a machine and the vocals sound like someone strangling Donald Duck. Obviously, this isn’t an album I can recommend. This is only available in 333 copies but I kind of doubt that too many people will be sorry they missed out on this release.

What a fucking mindless band name! “Hey, Bill, heard that new Bullethole?” “Bullethole? Go fuck yourself, Jim!” Some of the most unskillfully shouted vocals ever recorded completely lay waste to what would be a decent Thrashcore effort. But even if this totally rocked in every way, how much could you really get excited about a band named fucking Bullethole?! Fucking Bullethole, man! Nobody had a better suggestion than Bullethole?

I need about… 3.50

France’s Bloody Sign play a convincingly Old School high speed blend of Thrash and Death Metal drawing influence from Possessed, old Morbid Angel, and old Pestilence (and I’m not just saying that because they do a kick ass cover of “Parricide,” possibly the highlight of the album). Everything here is up to par, but if I could make one suggestion it would be to mix it up a little more. Add more tempo changes and dynamics, like the all-out heaviness towards the end of “Vana Vigala Loits (part 2)” which is so brutal not even a jew-harp can weaken it. The introduction by the Setumaa People was a bad idea, in fact it may be the most annoying thing ever recorded, and the live track sounds like shit. Other than that, this is pretty solid, and once the bugs are ironed out we could have a serious force to be reckoned with in the near future.

Black Funeral arose from the ashes of Sorath (the American one, not the one that had that split-CD with Unclean) back in the early ‘90s and had a style of Black Metal that was clearly influenced by the likes of Burzum, Darkthrone and Emperor. Over the years, this band released two full-length albums in that style and then Mike Ford (the sole permanent member of Black Funeral) decided to change the focus of Black Funeral to a Death Industrial style similar to Brighter Death Now, MZ 412, his other project Valefor, and others in that feedback-laden Industrial genre. This album is, in a way, a time capsule. The music for this album was originally recorded back in ’96 but the vocals were not laid down until 2000. Remember when Darkthrone did that? This is kind of in the same vein. You get cold, dark Black Metal in the Burzum / Emperor style and sound. The thing that kind of brings this down is the drum machine. The drums sound too mechanical and the bass drums sound like a light switch. I did like this better than their last album (the Death Industrial one) but I can’t help but wonder what this would have sounded like with a human drummer and a better drum tone. I’ve followed this band for a long time and though they’ve managed to keep their “cult” sound and status, Black Funeral has yet to release a “definitive” album.