I’m not going to waste a lot of time beating around the bush here. Sweden’s Demonical is the ultimate in New Wave of Old School Swedish Death Metal. I admit, I’m a sucker for the style and I like nearly every band doing it right now, but Demonical is the true prize, the absolute cream of the crop. Being comprised of ex and current members of Centinex, Interment, and Grave among others certainly doesn’t hurt anything, but these guys can go toe-to-toe with anyone, past or present. The guitar sound? Pure Sunlight, modernized for maximum intensity, and force-fed steroids in between cocaine breaks. The vocals? Imagine a cyborg programmed to sound like David Vincent and Ola Lindgren in their early ’90s primes, now force-feed it steroids in between cocaine breaks. Everything about this band is everything Swedish Death Metal should be. If you don’t own this and the equally flawless Hellsworn, you need to commit suicide immediately. They even do a Swedeath cover of Emperor’s “Night of the Graveless Souls” [apparently that’s only on the Limited Edition version - Editor] and fucking nail it! I wish I could give this album a 20.

Far be it from me to say anything negative about these Godz among men, but I’d be lying if said I wasn’t a little disappointed with this first-ever Bloodbath DVD (not counting the CD/DVD release, The Wacken Carnage, of course). Let’s start with what’s right with it. First off, it should go without saying that Bloodbath have been the greatest Death Metal band in the world for the last decade. No shock considering they contain two vital members of the greatest band in the world, period. The packaging for this is amazing, possibly the best I’ve ever seen. It’s like a fucking book! Why can’t all DVDs look like this? The interview, although a bit long and a tad redundant, and the video for “Hades Rising” -in addition to the previously stated facts- are probably worth the price alone. The concert footage looks phenomenal, very well filmed indeed, and the band is musically tight as fuck. as we’d have to expect. The only hindrance, and unfortunately it’s a big one, is Mikael Akerfeldt’s voice. Now, I’ve gone on record a few times saying this is the best vocalist in Death Metal, and I don’t take it back for a second, but he is obviously ill, or hoarse, or tired, or perhaps all three. His voice quite frankly sounds like shit. He sounds like a poor man’s Barney Greenway for fuck’s sake! Now, there is a bonus gig from the 2008 PartySan Festival where he is in much better form, but that’s a much shorter set-list with quite a few favorites missing. And going back to Bloodstock, where the fuck is “Hades Rising”? [Or “Bastard Son of God”? -Editor] I guess I’ve just come to expect absolute perfection from these guys, and let it be known that even when they come up a little short, it’s still better than most could achieve at 100%. Flaws intact, this is essential viewing.

2011 seems to be staking its claim as the year of the raw Black Metal revival. Finland’s Totalselfhatred (featuring ex-members of Horna and Pest among countless others) deliver their second full-length album of depressive, suicidal Black Metal; their first for Osmose Productions. The first three tracks tear straight into the heart. “Apocalypse,” “At War with Myself,” and “Teardrop Into Eternity” explode with a bleak, almost Crust-like sense of urgency and angst. Bitter melody and tortured vocals capture a sense of pure despair. Unfortunately as good as the first three songs are, the last four cuts are forgettable by comparison. Not bad, just not memorable. Overall, the sextet have a solid melancholy foundation and incorporate other stylistic elements into their Black Metal assault very well. My only advice to them would be to listen to Katatonia’s Jhva Elohim Meth… the Revival EP about 666 times a day. That ought to iron out what few flaws they have.

Presented to the rest of the world on Sepulchral Voice Records, this is the American version of this deadly German band’s second full-length album. While integrating more other sounds in the “Temple” and “Gate” interludes than Triune Impurity Rites, the pipe organs and ambient passages only add to their ancient Death Metal ritual. For instance, “Gate II” wholly conjures Trial of the Bow. The vocal delivery, reminiscent of Sadistic Intent or Infamy (L.A., CA), is perfectly mixed with memorable riffs and drumming. A shining example is the percussion at the end of “Necromantique Nun” which hints of Pete Sandoval’s “Hymnos Rituales de Guerra” from Morbid Angel’s Formulas Fatal to the Flesh. It’s the cumulative effect of both the Non-Metal and Metal elements that will earn this a spot on my Best Albums of 2011 list.

Justin Broadrick’s Jesu are one of those strange anomalies, a band that have never written a bad song. Sure some are better than others, but factor in 16 recordings over the span of seven years, and the fact becomes even more amazing. Before I get into Ascension, I want to thank JK and Hydra Head for re-releasing the majestic debut Heart Ache last year. Fan of Jesu or not, this is absolutely essential listening. I couldn’t tell you how many nights I’ve stumbled in the door drunk at 3am and listened to the epic 20-minute title track on repeat in the dark alone, “…but really there’s nothing…” echoing over and over in my mind long after I’ve passed out. But on to the present, Ascension is like every other Jesu piece, similar but unique. Nine songs of slow-but-steady mournful hymns plus an outro. Just imagine the heaviest, darkest Pop music you can. I know it sounds crazy, but Broadrick himself had essentially stated something similar in a quote I once read. Unlike some of his releases in the past, no particular song jumps out as a standout track, but the album flows so well and the vibe achieved is a stunning mix of equal parts depressing and soothing. Not all doom and gloom, mind you, but it’s the uplifting passages I seem to find the most morose for some odd reason. Mixed with the death of a loved one, this album could potentially be fatal, which pretty much goes for the entire Jesu catalog while I’m at it. I’ve heard many a drunken Godflesh vs. Jesu argument before. They actually can become quite heated. As monumental and groundbreaking as Streetcleaner was, I think it’s a no-brainer that Jesu is the hands down winner by a longshot. Ascension is another brilliantly recorded testament to that verdict. This is pure emotion.

There are few surer bets than what you’re going to get on a Hate Eternal record. First and foremost, you know the production is going to suck. Secondly, it’s going to have horrible musicianship with really slow drums. And worst of all, pro-Jesus lyrics with Bryan Adams-style vocals. That’s called sarcasm. I had to make this review interesting somehow. Who even needs a review with this band, honestly? It’s going to be pretty much the opposite of what I previously stated (that’s how sarcasm works). Immaculate production, obviously, considering the North American answer to Peter Tagtgren is the driving force behind this band. Rapid fire machine gun drumming featuring T.W.A. (Triggers with Attitudes). Whirlwind guitars with tsunami distortion playing tornado riffs at hurricane speeds for a monsoon’s worth of destructive power. Let’s not forget, Rutan did hone his chops alongside Trey Azagthoth in the legendary Morbid Angel. “The Eternal Ruler” kicks thing off with Behemoth style sweeps that set the tone for a mind-bending endurance test of an album. The playing that begins “The Art of Redemption” actually detached both of my retinas. Are these songs all that memorable? Not really. Maybe so, for as brutal as they are, but the real quality of the album is its feel. It’s just got that vibe of crushing, frenzied heaviness you miss when it’s over. And everything else seems so mild in its wake.

The “circle” relating to the album’s title must be a male anus. I seem to remember giving a small percentage of a fuck about this band’s sophomore album, 2003’s Mirror of Madness, but they were an actual Metal band back then. This album is a pure homosexual orgy. The deluxe edition comes with extra tracks and a mason jar full of midget semen. This band sounds like Warrant now, but only the ballads. Each song is about loving a man’s butthole. They are probably trying to capitalize on the success of fellow Finnish gaylords Children of Boredom by taking all elements of Death Metal and Thrash out of their sound and replacing it with a mangina. Riffs that beg to have men shit on their chests during felching. Catch them on tour soon with Liberace, Ricky Martin, Lance Bass, Freddie Mercury, Rob Halford, and those faggot lion tamers.

Former Immortal founding member Demonaz Doom Occulta graces us with his first ever solo affair. For those unfamiliar, Demonaz played guitar for the blizzard beasts up until 1997 when tendinitis ended his axe-grinding days. Since then he has been a lyricist, muse, and all around cheerleader for the band, even going out on tour with them. Now he has recruited former Immortal drummer Armagedda and Enslaved’s Ice Dale (guitars/bass) to finally bring us the long-awaited March of the Norse. As much as I want to get behind this release, it just falls flat. As far as riffs go, it’s basically Diet Immortal from the At the Heart of Winter era, or I Lite, while lyrically it owes much to Bathory when Big Q made the switch from Satan to Odin. But it’s neither the music or lyrics that ruin the record; it’s Demonaz’ horrible voice. He kinda sounds like the dude from Ratt, except not really even that abrasive. Maybe Dee Snider doing Manowar songs? I don’t know. It’s pretty gay though. Imagine Abbath’s voice with all of the bite, gravel and serpentine hiss sucked out of it. Man, nature must really have it in for this dude. Better stick to writing awesome lyrics and blowing fire in the mountains (not to mention helping fuck the hot groupie sluts).

You know, I really want to like this band. I really do. I mean, they are cute Japanese girls that like Hellhammer and Burzum! Where I’m from, finding that is pretty much the equivalent to finding a bag with a million dollars in it on your front porch. I want to like them, but I just can’t. The fact is, their music is pure shit. No talent slop. I hate to say it, but if these were dudes, they wouldn’t be on Peaceville, they’d be on Hell’s Headbangers. No front covers on Terrorizer and Zero Tolerance, maybe a quarter page ad in I Hate You Motherfucker. I tried hard to give this new album a chance, figuring since they are a 2-piece now they’d bid farewell to the weakest link. But they’re just as terrible as ever. Sloppy, badly produced one-chord Sludge with awful vocals. Making it through the sadistically torturous length of this album should win you a date with the lead singer.