I wanted to start this review by saying “the something-core band Boris has a new album,” but you can’t, because Boris completely changes genres with every release. And I don’t mean they’re a Death Metal band, but this album’s got a ballad or a dance remix. I mean, listen to any two cuts back-to-back from this band’s fifteen studio albums and you’d be surprised they came from the same damn country, let alone the same group of people. I was a huge fan of 2003’s Akuma no Uta and its minimalist, feedback-laden and noisy production that sounded like something Iggy Pop recorded and mastered on a bathtub crank bender; I was not lucky enough to get the limited-to-300 Japanese picture-disk that’s a tribute to Venom’s Welcome to Hell cover art. I also dug 2008’s Smile, although it was more conventionally structured, with the occasional annoyance that made it impossible to listen to the album in a car without having every person around you wonder when John Zorn did a remix of the Revenge of the Nerds soundtrack.
When I first got this Japanese-only 2011 release and loaded it up in iTunes, I immediately cursed Apple, Steve Jobs, and whatever fuckwit entered “New Album” in the CDDB information for the CD’s title field. A few google searches later, and I found out that New Album is the actual title. There are ten tracks here, and of course some tracks are extended or different on the 2-LP album version, so true fans need to shell out more money and track down both copies. (Could be worse: Smile had ten different versions and pressings.) This stuff is similar to the more straightforward Pop approach of Smile, taking a huge nod from conventional Electronica in the use of synth and programmed drums. In general, the songs alternate between speedier numbers with a touch of the band’s trademark guitar distortion over very slick backing tracks, or songs with female Japanese vocals that make the whole thing sound far too J-Pop-esque. The song “Flare” is one of the better cuts, with a good bass groove to go with a fast pace.
This is by no means a Metal record. If you’ve burned through many a bowl to Absolutego’s Stoner Metal goodness and want a platinum-heavy wall of feedback amplifier abuse that goes on for an hour per track, you will be sorely disappointed. But if you’re a fan of this band’s innovation and experimentation, it’s a decent outing. And if you don’t like any given Boris album, you can always wait five minutes for the next one; in addition to two versions of this title, the band’s sixteenth and seventeenth studio albums are also coming out in the first half of 2011.

Udo “Bastard!!” Dirkschneider has been kicking asses for over thirty years, first with the legendary Accept, and since 1987 with the sort of eponymous U.D.O.. I’ve been a disciple from my first listen, way back in the Paleolithic Era, before iPods or even CDs, when we listened to music on things known as “cassettes.” I am always happy when Udo releases new music, but this EP is essentially only a teaser for the impending full-length Rev-Raptor (which comes out next month), with two album tracks, two rare songs previously only available on 2004’s Thundervision DVD, and two video clips. For fans of Udo’s raspy voice and unchanging version of Heavy Metal, such as myself, this is an absolute must-have for the rare tracks alone. But I suppose that I could understand if, in 2011, those who have not been lifelong devotees might require a little more than a few songs that would have not sounded out of place on U.D.O.’s 1987 debut, Animal House. I, however, thoroughly enjoyed Leatherhead, and am counting the days until Rev-Raptor is unleashed.

I can’t remember the last time a Black Metal band had a 5-minute ambient wind intro that I actually wanted to listen to (maybe never!), but then again, Ygg is no normal band. Comprised of two former members of Nokturnal Mortum (Vrolok on bass/vocals and Odalv on drums) and Khors’s ex-guitarist Helg, this is a Ukrainian supergroup. At first, these baleful, majestic, melancholy songs might seem simplistic, but every listen reveals more and more depth, and the evil atmosphere is expertly balanced with bursts of intensity. Vrolok’s tormented wails can be a little too much at times, and there is a weird, sort of twangy instrumentation in a couple of the songs that I don’t understand. But despite, or maybe because of, these possible flaws, this is an amazing debut album that is somehow both a “first listen” and “it has to grow on you” experience.

It truly is a thin line Funeral Doom bands walk between Earth movement and just plain bowel movement. At this slower than slow pace, there is nearly no margin for error. Do it right and you’ll give the listener the chills. Do it wrong and merely put the listener to sleep. Finland’s Colosseum have been at it for five years, and have yet to aspire towards the former. But with Parasomnia they are starting to show signs of being at the cusp of potential greatness. In particular the 21-minute epic opener “Dilapidation and Death” has flourishes of breathtaking beauty within it’s oppressive, crushing heaviness. The only setback being that the song is 21 fucking minutes long! Still, it’s clearly evident that strides have been made towards greatness and not just slowness. Juhani Palomaki has the perfect growl for the genre, bestial and utterly sorrowful. Perhaps all they need is more time? I predict their next album will be a vast improvement. This just in: Juhani Palomaki died on May 15, 2010. Well, fuck…

Man, Richard Johnson was always such a cool guy. I could probably exist just fine without any post-Honky Reduction Agoraphobic Nosebleed, but I always thought Enemy Soil was the absolute shit. He had a great zine, too. That’s why this sucks that I have to do this, but this is pure shit. Honestly. I can’t pull any punches when it comes to reviews, as much I’d like to in this case. I couldn’t make it through four minutes of this horribly shitty album. I’m just not 16 anymore. This isn’t cool. It’s slop. Pure shit. No talent. I’m sure RJ is all about his message with this band’s lyrical content, but fuck dude, write a book. This is just fucking atrociously bad. I hate to disrespect the Grindfather like this, but this is some junior high, basement show Grind if I’ve ever heard it. Sorry bro, I just expect better from you. Given his reputation and work history, I’m sure this will top all the year-end lists and garnish nothing but glowing, positive reviews form the major Metal press, but heed my warning (all 200 people left in the world who actually still buy albums), this is pure unlistenable shit.

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Black Metal may not be dead after all. This just might be the year that sees the return of darkness and evil, the return of my master Satan. First I was floored by The Beast of the Apocalypse, now Iceland’s Curse have dropped what could potentially be the Black Metal album of the year, if not the decade. It’s without question the best trve kult Svart Metall I’ve heard in years, save for Varg’s two post-prison releases. Curse paint a picture that is truly bleak, recapturing the grimness of ‘92-‘94 era Norway (where I’m told the band have recently relocated). Musically a simple but potent mix of Darkthrone, Burzum, and early Satyricon. Vocalist Eldur serves as the album’s prime mover, his voice the brightest jewel in Curse’s crown. His sandpaper throat is a dead ringer for Under a Funeral Moon-era Nocturno Culto, which is nice to experience again since Darkthrone these days are nothing more than a glorified Gorilla Biscuits cover band. Curse are the real deal lyrically as well, “doing 666 per hour” all the way, and after listening to this masterpiece “if you told me I was dead I would not doubt your words.” Only the sloppy outro track prevents this from being a perfect 10.

I’ve heard of Bill Steer saving his best riffs for Carcass, but I have never heard of a band saving their best material for an obscure split with a nobody band mere days after putting out a brand new, highly anticipated full length album. Granted, the Epoch material has grown on me somewhat since my review, but it took an awful lot of listening. The songs here are more in the vein of The Malediction Fields, instantly likable Agalloch worship with soothing suicidal melodies. I just can’t get over how superior these four tracks (one being an instrumental acoustic piece) are to the full-length. Speaking of “superior to,” Swedish one-man band De Arma makes his recorded debut as the other half of the split. Not the smartest move to make getting blown away by your splitmates your first impression. Very stylistically similar to Fen except not good. This is a side project of the one-time bassist of kvlt Black Metallers Armagedda. I really liked their Final War Approaching LP back in 2001, which is coincidentally the nicest thing I can say about De Arma. Someone really should’ve told him that he can’t sing. All Fen here.