Vhol - Vhol
Technically speaking, is it still a supergroup if you don’t like any of the participants’ main bands? Make no mistake, I do worship at the altar of Agalloch, but in this case, the “featuring members of Agalloch” selling point is a touch misleading. It’s just ex-Ludicra/ex-Fuckboyz drummer-for-hire Aesop Dekker. That’d be like saying, “featuring members of Metallica” in reference to Robert Trujillo. The rest of the Vhol lineup consists of Mike Scheidt from Yob on vocals (who gives a Scheidt?) with Hammers of Misfortune/Amber Asylum couple John Cobbett and Sigrid Shele on guitar and bass respectively (yawn). I should warn all hipster fuckstains in advance: what you’re about to read may disturb you. I don’t abide by the bizarre unwritten law of the Metal press that all Profound Lore releases must receive unconditional love and unanimous approval regardless of quality. I do like the label. Anytime your roster includes the likes of Pallbearer, Evoken, and Bell Witch just to name a few, you certainly deserve respect. Just not blind —or more accurately, deaf— respect. I’ve no doubt that Vhol will top every major fagazine’s year-end list, so let me have the honor of being the first to tell you — this is garbage. Boring. Anti-memorable. Slop. Pure shit. I’d be willing to wager this album was completely improvised beginning-to-end. Dekker gets his blastbeat practice in while we’re treated to 46 minutes of throwaway Black Metal riffs with occasional buoyant nods to Punk and traditional Heavy Metal. I’d rather hear Volbeat than a Vhol beat. Again, it all feels ad libbed, right down to Scheidt’s dreadfully sub-par Ted Culto impression. I can’t even tell if it’s him or the cunt doing the Ass Metal backing wails. Don’t care. I’m equally not sure which specific Tom & Jerry cartoons Cobbett lifted these melodies from because I don’t have that kind of free time anymore. Rest assured… this is happy… this is fun. A lighthearted jam session poorly captured on tape, nothing more. But the back of the frayed-corner-after-you-reach-for-it-twice digipak does say Profound Lore, so expect nothing less than the highest praise from individuals who smile every minute they’re alive (even in their sleep). People who only listen to music on their computers and genuinely believe other people care who their top Last.fm artists are. People who only use music as background ambiance for cheery social interaction. Fuck the ways of happy. No true and passionate lover of music has any need for this noise soup in their lives. Quite possibly the worst record of 2013. Supergroup? More like super poop.
(2) Comment(s)
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Jane said:
You had me until you referred to the guitarist/bass player as a cunt. Why? You don’t like her riffs, leave it at that. What does her vagina have to do with it?
Koji Kabuto said:
Jane, why do you think that someone has to have a vagina to be a cunt?
Read some of Jack’s other reviews, or any of the other writers’ reviews, and you’ll find that they’re all equal opportunity offenders.
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