Three Sixes - Know God, No Peace…
I don’t get a lot of physical CDs to review anymore. These days essentially everything arrives in the form of an emailed download link, either from the record label, a PR company, or the band itself. So, it’s always a pleasant surprise to see the yellow card in my PO box that lets me know a package awaits. The one this CD arrived in was big enough to contain the entire Nunslaughter discography, but so light that I thought it might have accidentally been sent empty. For reasons unknown to me, the band chose to send it Standard Post, which set them back nearly $9. Cutting away the outer paper wrapping revealed a re-purposed Priority Mail box. Opening that, I was greeted with a massive amount of crumpled up newspaper and what at first appeared to be a hollow Holy Bible - I thought that because it literally says “HOLY BIBLE” on the cover. If it hadn’t been so extremely lightweight, piquing my curiosity, I might have just re-closed the box on it and thrown the entire thing into my outside trashcan. That’s kind of a risky move on the part of the band and/or label. Pressing on, I unwrapped the ridiculous amount of plastic film and opened the “Bible,” now noticing the subtitle: Book of Three Sixes. Inside the gigantic (2.25 x 7 x 9.5 inches - who has room for that?) faux-book were a couple large bags of air taking up nearly all of the space, plus a fully packaged CD, band photo, bio, stickers, etc… Without the cardstock “book” wasting so much space and weighing down everything, this could have been mailed First Class for $2.50. Even exactly as it was, Media Mail would have only been $3.17. Yes, I fucking checked the prices. Examining the CD itself, of course I found the Disc Makers logo, as expected. If you ever want to pay twice the going rate to have physical media (CDs, DVDs, etc…) manufactured, and would like someone to hold your balls through the entire process, Disc Makers is the way to go. It’s like lighting cash on fire without the fun of watching it burn. Whenever I see a band or label waste so much money (over $6 per package in postage alone, plus the small fortune that the extraneous not-actually-books must have cost, and however much they let Disc Makers overcharge), I am forced to assume the worst about them. I’m therefore kind of happy, and in another way sad, to report that the music here is fucking terrible, only matched by the horribleness of the vocals. I suppose that this is some sort of an attempt at Industrial Metal, which makes the confusing cover of AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” stand out, but only as possibly the worst track, which is quite an accomplishment. This album is physically painful to listen to, with very occasional extremely brief instrumental moments of okayness, and somehow manages to utterly miss every mark in all conceivable ways, except one: At least they hate religion. In the interest of fairness, the recording itself is very well done, but that’s like wrapping up a well-intentioned turd in expensive paper.
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