I must confess to not keeping up with Prostitute Disfigurement at all since 2001’s Embalmed Madness. I know… shame on me. I don’t really have an excuse or a logical explanantion as to why its been a baker’s dozen worth of Braves’ calendars since I last checked in on these humorously-named Dutch sickos. I loved that aforementioned debut and the demo that preceded it. What’s not to love about timeless family favorites like “Choking on Defecation,” “Chainsaw Abortion,” “Cadaver Blowjob,” and “On Her Guts I Cum”? I suppose the general gayness of life and an influx of 10,008 new extreme Metal releases per year inadvertently separated me from PD’s progress. I did manage to cum on a few guts during that span, but unfortunately those women were alive. Enough about the past. What do the cadaverous quintet bring to the embalming table circa now? Very little I’m afraid. Not sure who outgrew whom, but I’m not feeling From Crotch to Crown much at all. The demented lyrical content and delightfully disgusting cover art thankfully remain in tow, but musically the band has taken a far more conventional approach to brutal Death Metal. This sounds like the filler from Cannibal Corpse’s Gore Obsessed and Deicide’s Earache era fucked and had a crack baby. So… basically it’s a Severe Torture record now that I think about it. There’s a few serviceable pit riffs and guitar solos hidden between never ending walls of non-stop machinegun blast, but nothing you’ll remember once the album’s over. Gone are the beyond bestial low-end gurgles. Niels Adams (Centurian) still has a solid set of pipes, but his vocal patterns are equally elusive to the hippocampus, forgotten mere seconds after they’re growled. No more drum machine set to “annihilate.” Michiel van der Plicht (ex-God Dethroned) might as well be a machine. The only problem being that machine is an oscillating desk fan with a baseball card wedged in it. Guttural, guttural, where for art thou guttural?? Rotting away is still better than being gay, but From Crotch to Crown is all bore, no gore.
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