I have no idea what everyone sees in this band. Are they the worst band in the world? No, not at all. If they were, they’d at least memorable in that sense. They’re a band to be filed under “nothing special,” yet somehow are downright worshipped not only by a diehard legion of adoring fans, but by their peers as well. Perhaps they dominate the live setting? Could it be they hypnotize the crowd with spiked armbands and long black hair headbanging in perfect unison, like the zombies distracted by fireworks in Land of the Dead? The right look does go a long way. Maybe it’s because they’re from New Orleans —the cradle of overrated Metal. Whatever it is that endears them to the Metal masses is definitely not revealed on Blood for the Master, the group’s fifth full-length, which is about as memorable as my first nap. A fountain of generic Thrash riffs forgotten the instant they’re played. Can this honestly be the same band that Matt Harvey of Exhumed said had better Celtic Frost riffs than Tom G. Warrior has written in years? Really? What am I missing? Are there two Goatwhores? Ben Falgoust isn’t a terrible vocalist —sort of a poor man’s Chuck Schuldiner— and I appreciate good Satanic lyrics as much as the next nun-rapist, but calling him one of the greatest frontmen in Metal seems like more than a bit of a stretch. And yes, they also have a great drummer… but so do Inverted Bitch Fister! At this point I’m convinced that Metal Blade has to be paying people to say that kind of shit. There’s no other explanation. So since I haven’t seen a dime, I’ll call it how I see it: Goatwhore, on record anyway, are not bad but far from great. Don’t drink the Kool-Aid. Don’t stare at the skyflowers.
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I don’t know how much dick this guy sucks in a day that he has such poor taste in music. He must have a shitload of sand in his vagina.
Koji Kabuto said:
I’m sorry to say that I’ve seen Goatwhore live when they were on tour with Venom a few years ago, and… holy shit, Goatwhore is even worse live. Just totally worthless! Jack is actually being very nice to them in this review.
I also don’t understand why a difference of opinion has to immediately jump to accusations of dick sucking and sandy vaginas, but I guess that’s just where Martin’s mind goes first…
I’ve sometimes found Goatwhore albums to have one or two songs I enjoy…the problem is figuring out where they are, since the entire album is one big riff salad start to finish. If they could figure out how to make an actual SONG—with a start, a middle, and an end, and an overarching theme or mood to tie them together (and “metal” doesn’t count)—they have the potential to be pretty good. Unfortunately, they fall into the same trap so many metal acts nowadays do: they confuse quantity with quality, and outward heaviness with internal vision.
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