Fifty Caliber Kiss - Armor Class Invincible

Posted on Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Described on the press release as “Iron Maiden meets Pantera,” I was already offended and disgusted before I even put this disc in the player. After listening to it, I was relieved to discover that the press release was simply wrong (as they often are), and horrible though this is, there is zero trace of Iron Maiden influence. I don’t even think this band has two guitarists (no lineup info is available anywhere, including the band’s stupidly bare-bones website), nor is the bassist even noticeable, and the vocals are the lamest Emo/Metalcore combination I’ve ever heard. And as gay as Pantera is/was, this is often musically far gayer. I absolutely knew that this would suck, but I was honestly surprised by exactly how it sucks. It’s not the first time that a press release has lied. To be completely honest, if the band burnt their “Emo” singer at the stake as a sacrifice to Satan, and demanded that the screamer (assuming that they’re different people) “nut up or shut up,” as Hardcore Bob Holly would say, this Mallcore excrement might evolve into something barely tolerable. Maybe. Probably not. But, as is? Weakness enshrined.

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