Enslaved - The Sleeping Gods
Not sure what this bullshit stopgap EP is all about, but it seems to be on some kind of Dodge Dart record label. Probably comes free in a box of cereal or with however many KY Jelly proofs of purchase. As is always the case with Enslaved, it sucks total ass but everyone will absolutely adore it. Thankfully there are only five songs to suffer through, so let’s begin to dissect. First off, I think this is some kind of concept EP about the first gay Vikings and their lives of secrecy in fear of persecution, as the first song seems to depict a dialogue between the homosexual Vikings (clean vocals so soft and faggy I imagine them sung into a baby’s spread asshole), and the angry hetero Vikings (basic Black Metal vocals). I could be completely wrong, but that’s the only way I could make the song even partially interesting. Track two is the perfect virtuoso mixture of early Bathory and John Tesh, while the next two cuts are 12 minutes of instrumental filler, the first of which sounds like a washing machine on spin cycle while a man whispers. Now if that doesn’t define breathtaking, mandatory, genius, and not to mention sexy, I don’t know what the hell does! I could be mistaken, but I believe the last song here is a Folk spin on a Manwell cover. Not “What What (in the Butt)” of course, but one of his older, more underground, songs. Overall, this was easily the most enjoyable recording to listen to in all of Enslaved’s 20-year career. Look for 6 new releases from them before year’s end.
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