Dream Evil - The Book of Heavy Metal

Posted on Saturday, December 04, 2010

What the fuck was that opening scream? Was it the singer’s little sister getting punched in the cunt? Oh hell, it wasn’t… That’s not good. I guess that these dudes want to be a combination of Judas Priest and Helloween, with the dumber lyrical content of Manowar thrown in. A lot of bands aspire to worse, I suppose. And musically this can be pretty good, with stunning production throughout. But this singer… It’s not even that he’s terrible; for this style, he’s okay. But he has a very annoying habit of exhaling really loudly after every line he sings, so that even the good lyrics are turned into “I signed -huhh- a contract with The Devil -huhh-.” That’s from the title track, which I kind of like in a guilty-pleasure way, despite eye-rolling lyrics like “The only thing I want / Is what my parents don’t.” At least, like UDO, these guys worship Metal as their only religion (or claim to, anyway), which gets them a little extra credit. But the lyrics are so dorky that even the aforementioned Manowar guys would be embarrassed to be caught singing along (and they have lyrics like “Then I run back to the power rack, and deck all of my gear”). And that’s all just the first song. By the time that we get to the third track, the gayness of the lyrics is too over-the-top for me, and I am unable to stand hearing crap like “Hit me with the sledge of Rock.” And it just gets worse from there, degenerating into Grim Reaper, Ozzy, and beyond territory, musically. They probably lift riffs from Ratt and Poison for all I know. And they even rip off their own songs, reusing the same riffs here and there… I am told that if you were to actually be masochistic enough to pay for this, it comes with a “making of” DVD. I shudder to think what that must be like.

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