I see that the practice of hiring the mentally challenged to work in the music industry has once again brought us a new album to rip to shreds. I say that because And One is less Metal than the last Miley Cyrus CD. That’s right, folks. Miley Cyrus rocks harder than this gang of fairy princesses does. When your biggest selling point is that your album has songs that are “sometimes quite reminiscent of ‘80s ‘Tears for Fears’ harmonies,” we’re going to tear you a couple of new orifices that you probably didn’t want. When you send out promotional copies of your latest release to a site called Metal Curse, maybe you should check to see if the release is… well… Metal. That way, we don’t hurt the band’s fragile little feelings by comparing their music to what comes out of our asses on fajitas night at El Cucaracha’s. Maybe Synthetic Symphony should check to see if The Advocate has a music review section because that would probably be a better place for this kind of music. To be fair, I did listen to this the whole way through, which is about six songs from And One more than I ever wanted to hear. Technically, that’s four songs and two remixes, but the fact that two of the tracks are remixes doesn’t help the band’s cause here. Shouts of Joy is an oddball in that it’s essentially a New Wave album being released in an era where nobody listens to that shit and there’s no push to revive it. The New Wave movement of the ’80s was essentially a second wave of gay dudes trying to resurrect the rotting, violated, disease-ridden corpse of Disco. If there was one aspect of the ’80s that I wanted to forget, it was the fact that bands like Spandau Ballet ever got airplay outside of gay bath houses. New Wave is an abomination that deserves to rot in the same fetid septic system that the Twilight saga is destined to be cast into. There’s a reason that nobody listens to New Wave anymore. It sucked, and like every bad decision, we want to forget about it as quickly as possible. That’s why Butt Rock legends like Bret Michaels and Motley Crue can still go out on tour and sell out a small arena, but Tears for Fears can’t even get a one-off gig at the gay bar down the street. And One obviously never got the memo. Playing New Wave music in 2012 shows that you’re defective and can’t take a hint. If I had my way, I’d rate Shouts of Joy in negative numbers because not only do I want back the 25 minutes of my life that I wasted listening to this abortion, I’m also about ready to go to the World Court to see if I can get Synthetic Symphony and SPV put up on charges of crimes against humanity for releasing this crap in the first place. The best thing that And One can do as a follow-up to this release is to break up and never have anything to do with music again.
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Koji Kabuto said:
Why the fuck would anyone want you guys to review something like this?!
Masochism is the only possibility.
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