Ahab - The Giant

Posted on Tuesday, May 29, 2012

When Jack, a devoted worshipper of this band’s legendary first two albums (and who isn’t?), declined to review The Giant, I should have known to just never listen to it. I am saddened and infuriated and my ears cry out for justice. First off, I thought that Ahab was Funeral Doom, not slow-motion Prog Rock with occasionally raw vocals and guitar distortion. There are a few moments here that are passable —nothing fucking awesome, however, nor anywhere close to it— but even those are soon desecrated by ridiculous vocals I have heard described as both “Yoda” and “Kermit.” Suffice to say that they are Muppety. I have no idea why Ahab, or any other band, would want to juxtapose the heavy shit on this album with all the fruity Prog flaccidity. No, wait, I do have an idea. A horrible idea that I hope is wrong, but am sure is not. I think that these now-pussified nautical numb-Krauts would like to abandon the heaviness altogether, and go totally Prog, likely while eating diet pudding and discussing how to incorporate Sex and the City plotlines into their lyrics, but were afraid to change that much at once. So, this album isn’t just a disastrous, mind-numbing waste of time, it’s also completely chickenshit.

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