Dear Death from Metal Curse #7
[Editor’s note: There has been some confusion over the trial proceedings for the author of Dear Death, Jon Konrath. There have been many rumors that Jon maimed, murdered, beat, raped, and killed a Catholic nun. These rumors are completely untrue. They fail to mention that Mr. Konrath took 47 hits of acid beforehand, making this acceptable behavior. At any rate, here it is: The sacrilege, The word of anti-god… Dear Death!]
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Dear Death from Metal Curse #6
[Editor’s note: Jon was on a short vacation while he tripped acid for 100 days straight, watched Gwar at half speed, and saw god. We think he has recovered enough (due to the Phenobarbitol we slipped into his Pepsi), so here he is - the man, the legend, the freak… Dear Death!]
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Dear Death from Metal Curse #4
[Editor’s note: Since we’ve noticed we don’t have any kind of advice column, we’ve decided to add a new member to the writing staff. The column’s no ‘Dear Abby’, but then Dear Abby doesn’t exactly answer questions about sex with dead animals. So with this issue of Metal Curse, we’d like to introduce a new writer, “Psycho” Jon Konrath. Jon’s credentials include being stoned since the third grade, memorizing over half the words to “Green Hell,” and being able to break the 7-digit barrier in Tetris while holding a strong 1.0 grade point average. So, we proudly present: Dear Death! ]
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