Riotgod - Invisible Empire
I don’t know if I’d want to live in Metalville if the bands there sound like this. I’m simply in shock at the subhuman shit sadistically torturing my puzzled ears at the moment. Easily one of the worst bands I’ve ever heard in my life. Try to imagine dumbed down Alice in Chains colliding with the ’80s LA Glam scene, combined with the modern day horrors of Buckcherry, Hinder, Nickelback, or similar genetic debris. Sleazy strip club Rock (if strippers danced to unknown, 10th-rate hillbilly bands — they do not) about as dangerous as an electric candle. Their only aspect that’s even remotely Metal is lead singer Mark Sunshine’s slight resemblance to the late, great Ronnie James Dio (if Ronnie James Dio had been an inbred talentless hack with 3rd grade-level lyrical skills — he was not), that is when he’s not disgracing the memory of Layne Staley (please see “Fool”). Some of these excerpts are priceless. “Long ago I was conceived / I was introduced to you by you / Baby, let’s get to work / Feelin’ my sweat begin to bead / Pleasin’ / Teasin’ / I’m in the elevator goin’ up / Yer savin’ the Earth from me, baby / Yeah / Yeah / Yeah / Ooh, it’s good, it’s good / Ooh, it’s bad, it’s bad!” Nothing an altar boy hasn’t already heard from a Catholic priest a thousand times. I’ve learned that any singer who repeatedly claims “I ain’t no fool” is only trying to convince himself. But the lyrics are pure genius compared to the music. The main riff in “Breed” lowered my I.Q. by 12 points. Godsmack want their lame riff back on “Crossfade.” (Yes, they named a song after a band they hope to open up for one day. For now I’m assuming it’s birthday parties, proms, and Open Mic Nights.) “Gas Station Roses” would be a sweet little acoustic jam… if I were into Jimmy Buffet — I am not.
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layne staley said:
Turning over in my grave.
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