Pharaoh - Ten Years
Every once in a while Ray tries to sneak some Power Metal into my review pile with the hope that I’ll tear it to shreds and we’ll have a good laugh about it. Truth is, Philadelphia’s Pharaoh aren’t really awful enough to slander with 100 different derogatory homosexual remarks. They’re just a boring, middle-of-the-road Power Metal band. This is some kind of B-sides EP made up of 7-inch tracks with Slayer and New Model Army covers. Again, much like the majority of human beings, it just simply exists without really needing to. So, while it doesn’t suck enough to rip a new asshole, I will list the Top 10 things I would rather do than listen to this EP. 10) Throw a huge party and get two kegs of O’Douls. 9) Watch a PG-13 rated Horror film. 8) Go back in time five months ago and ask Ryan Dunn for a ride home. 7) Walk through Chicago’s Cabrini Green dressed as a Ku Klux Klansman, asking people if they could spare some change for gas money. 6) Check out Opeth’s Bon Jovi cover on YouTube. 5) Use condoms. 4) Pay by check. 3) Go back in time four years ago and beg my then-girlfriend not to have that abortion. 2) Watch a regularly scheduled MTV program. 1) Go to the doctor and find out what those bumps on my dick are.
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