Ministry - Relapse
I don’t consider myself an expert on the more commercial side of Industrial music (or on anything else for that matter), but I have a hunch all you really need is KMFDM’s Angst, Pretty Hate Machine through The Downward Spiral, and all of the Ministry albums up to and including the timeless masterpiece Psalm 69. If you don’t own this beloved 1992 classic, you might as well be living on a different planet. However, speaking of downward spirals, nothing Al and the boys have done since has really caught my ear. Seemingly incapable of topping their own Reign in Blood, yet it’s not as though they’ve released any truly horrible albums… until now that is. Oh my, Psalm 69’s throne remains safely out of reach, as the overwhelming majority of Relapse begs for the white flag. There are a few decent beats, there are a few biting Thrash riffs, there are a few moments of heart rate-accelerating speed, there is absolutely nothing else. By Ministry standards, this album is a smilefest. Upbeat and fun, the suffering begins with a nauseating amount of fucking around right from the get-go on opener, “Ghouldiggers.” Does Jourgensen think he’s Les Claypool with all his funny hillbilly talkin’? This sickening humor vibe is felt throughout on other joke cuts like “Weekend Warrior” and “Git Up Get Out ‘n’ Vote.” Yeeeee-haaaaw! I can envision little girls playing Pattycake to their cover of S.O.D.’s “United Forces,” while “99 Percenters” would make a cute dance skit for the end of an Austin Powers movie. AND WHAT’S WITH ALL THESE HAPPY FAGGOT GUITAR SOLOS?! I didn’t know I was buying a fucking Aerosmith record! Jourgensen’s voice sounds every bit its age. More vocal effects, please. And while it’s hard not to appreciate his anti-establishment jabs and overall lyrical pessimism, the LP’s playground atmosphere destroys all anthemic possibilities. Only the title track does not induce vomiting.
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