Jeff Loomis - Plains of Oblivion
Just what every grown man needs. To listen to some guy jack off for 47 minutes. Guitar albums. What a fucking waste of time. I want to come home from work and listen to some douchebag with too much fucking free time play faggy guitar solo after faggy guitar solo on top of basic Thrash templates. This is the ex-fag from Nevermore doing his own gay shit. Cool, another guitar solo. Did I just hear bells? What a fag. Way to put bells on your gay guitar solo album, dude. Cool, more solos. This fag can really play his guitar well. Good for him. “Look at me, mommy! Watch me swim in the deep end, mommy! I can do it, mommy! Mommy, you’re not lookin’! Lookit, mommy! Mommy, lookit!” That’s what I think of guitar albums. That’s what I hear. Hey, this fag just played another guitar solo. Awesome! That’s totally what this album needed. I like your Meshuggah riff, dude. And that blast beat was fire. It sure is fun listening to you practice. “You’re doing it, Jeffy, you’re doing it! Mommy’s so proud of her lil Jeffy! That’s mommy’s lil Jeffy. Go Jeffy go!” Not all of the songs on this guitar-solo-gay-pride-parade are instrumentals. Because what a stupid fucking idea it would be to have a whole album of a fag playing guitar solos without any vocals at all, right? That would just be silly. So, four of the songs feature guest cunt vocals from some cunt, and one of the songs features guest vocals from Ihsahn, who wasn’t always a cunt, but is pretty much a cunt now. Some fags from Megadeth also drop by to play more guitar solos. Because that’s what the album was really lacking, more guitar solos by different fags. If you’ve reached a point in your life where this kind of thing sounds appealing, just kill yourself. You’re already dead… and gay.
(3) Comment(s)
Page 1 of 1 pages
Ychoril said:
Man, I’m glad this wasn’t in my review queue. I don’t know if I could handle another 47 minutes of guitar wankery after that Theodore Ziras album.
admin said:
It was Jack’s turn to suffer! 
OnlyInDeath said:
Hilarious review. I also hate this sort of crap; if being good at playing your instrument is all it takes to make excellent music we would all be listening to Kenny G and people who go to music school would all be millionaires instead of writing product jingles
Page 1 of 1 pages