Cynic - Carbon-Based Anatomy
Ah, Cynic, we meet again. The band everyone inexplicably loves. I had Focus on cassette, I didn’t want to be left out. Plus, Tony Choy played bass on Pestilence’s legendary Testimony of the Ancients LP, so I had to see what all the fuss was about. I remember selling it several days later to the local used record store for $3. Yes, a tape sold for $3, which back in 1993 bought you two gallons of gas, a pack of smokes, a hooker, and a good meal. Times have certainly changed, but lifelovers still worship Cynic. I haven’t heard them since their reformation in 2008 because I don’t have time to waste on happy, positive music. Okay, fuck it, let’s see what all the fuss is about. Whoa! I remember disliking this band for being lightweight, anti-memorable, overly technical Death/Thrash. The first thing I hear on this EP is Bjork singing! This transitions into the next song which is Dream Theater’s take on a Winger ballad. What the fuck is this, Mike and the Mechanics? Next song please. Now, I’ve never seen Saudi Arabian gay porn, but I imagine “Bija!” is the proper background music. “Box Up My Bones” and “Elves Beam Out” might as well be Amy Grant covers. And I’m not talking about when she went total Satanic underground with “Baby Baby.” Alright, Cynic fans, explain your way out of this one. And don’t give me that “they’re good at their instruments” bullshit! You know who’s good at his instrument? That inbred kid from Deliverance. Doesn’t mean I need his albums nearby. This is completely pathetic unlistenable garbage. Carbon-Based Anatomy sounds like two men making passionate love to each other in outer space. Recommended if you like Yanni, Kenny G, or Enya (except nowhere near that feral). Please break up again, Cynic, you fucking suck. Would anyone like to buy my burn of this for $3?
(1) Comment(s)
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Stormbreaker said:
I listened to the previews of this piece of fuckin shit on Amazon.com, and if anything, Jack is being too kind.
You don’t get to say that very often!
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